"There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen."
In the haze of what could only be described as stumbling to the bathroom after rolling out of bed, I couldn't shake the dream that I thought I had. To have experienced the book as a kid was to escape into a fantasy world, an award winning picture book, in which you were the king of monsters. To see through Spike Jonze eyes, is to see the world as a child once again. I awoke to a stark reality. That I was not dreaming. I was indeed in a theatre, captivated by the magic of Maurice Sendak's masterpiece Where the Wild Things Are on the silver screen.
The weight of the world can be incredible. The reality of the eternal nothingness. . . The Infinite Abyss. . . The dog-eat-dog status quo in which, when it matters, we are all out for ourselves. The feeling that no one can hear us, or that we even matter to anyone else. There is heartbreak, lies, and change. All of that begets the explosive anger in us, like a child we lose the ability to be rational. A delayed temper tantrum, that implodes onto the suburban-working class-post-adolescent version of us. The worst version of ourselves, in which adulthood encroaches on us, and we can no longer pound our fists and go kicking and screaming into our rooms. The all encompassing loneliness of being a kid misunderstood amplified by the complexity of inter-office posturing, and TPS reports. We all feel this way sometimes. Just like a kid, staring out the rain freckled window of our room hoping for the sun to come out and warm the pane.
As an adult, we can't afford to be beholden to our emotions. That's a misstatement, we are only human, however we can ill-afford to let them run wild as a kid. Growing up is filled of rights-of-passage, many regrets, and ill-conceived genuflecting to the dreams of children. In the book, and movie Max wants a return to normalcy, to be as it was. Changes in family that he can't understand overcome his ability to tame the beast within, and he runs away. This is more than your standard kid's film. Pixar and 3D would have cheapened the experience, and Sendak's illustrations. This film is a trip, in away. For those so inclined, I would imagine that this would be fun on acid. For me, that's an imaginative leap, and those I am predisposed to. Max's imagination like many of ours is the conduit he uses to grow, and evade the harsh reality of the ceaseless minute during a timeout or the sting of a spanking.
This story impacted me, again, but even more this time. Anybody that knows me knows of my weakness for the story. Escapism is my nicotine, my balance to the pressures of knowing what I know—what an adult knows. Little Max is screaming mad at his sister, and mother. He just wants to be understood. His destructive actions are the only way in which he can convey his feelings. The ends justify the proverbial means, so to speak. By smashing, and tearing through the house he can get their attention. Now they will listen! Just like his friend Carol, played by the incomparable James Gandolfini, he smashes and destroys his friend's huts to express his anger. They just don't seem to understand him, and he doesn't yet understand the pain that he inflicts. Max's mother can't help but to see a monster. As in our lives, we feel impotent to affect our circumstances. I feel like Max a little every day. We all want to run into another world where we can be king. We all want to let the "wild rumpus" start.
As Max shapes the world of Wild Things, he soon finds out that he too is but only a player. A sobering truth for all of us, I thought as I listened to the radio scream at me on why the world is going to hell in a hand basket.
I get older, and with that comes life experience. It's humorous to me that others refuse to recognize the opposition to their beliefs as an opportunity to test them. It's as if the validity of your perspective is irrelevant because it is what defines you. You are a valued conservative. Perhaps, an open-minded progressive? Either way, with that, there's a label that is hard to shake. No matter how much you try, that is who you are in the other's eyes. Then there are the fair-minded. Usually the ones that claim to be fair-minded don't know that they are nor are they so inclined to tell you. In most cases, it's an apathy that exists. This can both be a forced apathy out of distaste for either side, or just a prevailing aloofness. That's the three types of people. In a paragraph I just generalized a whole population of Americans. Not a very easy, nor a sharp venture. Although, I believe that I have nailed it.
I've tried, more often than not, to watch Fox News. I listen to conservative talk radio like a moth to the flame. Rare is it that I find their ideas stimulating versus irritating. I do not like to be yelled at as a form of proselytizing. So much of it is name calling and the spinning of "news" to create the story. This is especially true when there is a pressing issue. What I've found is that the dialogue is filled with vicious rhetoric and hysterics. It's hard to look at Glen Beck, beyond listening to him. He yells at you and preaches to you as if you were in first grade. I can't imagine, and then again I see it in the news every day, what power he has on the less educated. The ill-equipped to understand the histrionics and theatrical nature of his program are liable to implode with emotion. He plays into the predisposed prejudices of his viewers. Their innate xenophobia, and sense of fear about losing their way of life causes them to yell back at the television as if it were some form of rally versus an informative program or commentary. He depicts a world devoid of grey area, and superficial examinations of issues that only peal back layers of crazy to substantiate his world view.
The question has been raised about the genesis of this outrage against President Barack Obama and the underlying racial implications. I don't think that it can be denied that there is a racial component. When you look at the criticism of how the president reacted to the Havard-Gate situation in which the esteemed African American scholar Professor Gates was arrested in his own house with a "figures" kind of sentiment. It is obvious that there is some grey area, and one would hope the officer exercised his best judgment in the situation. However, no matter what the officer's intentions were it became a racial issue and fodder for those spinster-media types to make this an "us against them" argument. I do not believe that all of the criticism, like the president says, is racially motivated. Meanwhile, the reality is that the tactics of right have harnessed that very emotional energy with tacit incendiary remarks to inflame the evils of their psyche. The strategist on the right is very aware that this sentiment exists. In the 2008 election, during exit polling voters were actually willing to share that they weren't ready to vote for a black president. Race was part of the story in 2008 and will continue to be a component that cuts both ways.
I really believe that the "townhalls" and "tea-baggers" and all of this outrage that is portrayed as patriotic free-speech on Fox news is the result of Karl Rove politics. These are, by and large, the same opponents to gay marriage and abortion. These are emotionally charged situations where Rove took the polarizing issues of our time such as ten commandments in the class room, "In God we Trust" on our dollars, confederate flags in South Carolina, and gays adopting kids and exploded that to fan the flames of violent opposition against even a discussion about the alternatives. A conversation is diminished as an affront on their faith, and encroachment on their freedom. All nuance or complexity is watered down as politics.
What's more, is the dangers of for profit news sources that have taken this demographic and built programming around their perspectives. The people that spew this filth, the Becks, and Sean Hannitys are the first to admit that off the record they are entertainers. They say this with an air of smugness and condescension, and this is true on both sides. Yet they forgo the responsibility that comes with gossip. They play loose with the facts, and take editorial privilege often to wrap the stories of the day around their ideology. They know who watches their programs. Just like any good business man, "know thy customer" as Peter Drucker said. Unfortunately, the collateral damage is the truth. These shows don't present themselves as anything other than the news. They lack the honesty of Jon Stewart. At least, his show is on Comedy Central. It's a dangerous game.
As a passionate proponent of free speech, it's hard for me to side on the argument against the existence of their voices. My ambivalence is torturing because of the three types of people, only the informed will be heard. Then it's whoever has the loudest voice, or money to get their loud voice broadcast. So the misinformed are dominating the debate over substance. If the republicans continue to pick at the scabs of their constituency to emote support by ad hominem attacks on the issues, and propagating mistruths about the intentions of opposition--the end result will be the weakening of our republic. When the discussion has devolved to the lowest common denominator then we all lose.
I've been an American for 31 years now. I can honestly say that there hasn't been a moment in my life in which I didn't believe America was the greatest country in the world. I have these black and white images in my head of soldiers storming the shore, and the star spangled banner enveloping me with pride. I have this great live album of Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street band playing "This Land is My Land" and it still gives me cold chills every time I play it. All of that being said, we are far from perfect. Right this moment, rational minds are debating the future of health insurance in our country. The president just finished speaking on healthcare to the freshly-vacationed, joint session of congress. He laid out his position clearly and passionately. Congress was polarized by two opposing viewpoints both parading as what's best for the American people.
Fortunately I've always had healthcare through my parents, and then as an adult through my job. So do the majority of Americans. For many of us, it seems like a very dangerous game that the president is playing with something that we have never put to the test. We have this security blanket that we rely on to make us feel better in spirit more so then health. Many of us are blessed with health, and we either pray for or take for granted the reality of its impermanence. Just as we are remiss in thanking God and Country every day for our safety, and freedom. We cheer loudly when we are on top. Sometimes we continue to cheer when we are down. That's patriotism. Countries all over the world have a loyal citizenry that would die for their country. Yet, some of us would begrudge them their love of country. Some of us speak of other countries, and even pejoratively say their names as a way of demonizing their way of life. They ignore the facts in lieu of silly jokes, and the demagoguery of its failures. We talk around, and over each other in order to further avoid open-minded conversation. We fling rocks and feckless rhetoric in pursuit of self-aggrandizement. We surrender honest accountability of our elected officials in exchange for a playground argument about why my momma is better than yours. Buried underneath all of the lies and hyperbole are real people. People like my father who loves this country, and served it his entire life. He was in the navy for over twenty years, and worked for the post office for the balance of his working years. He has accumulated so many health issues that he has three insurances, and of the three , two are government provided healthcare. He is vehemently opposed to government healthcare yet he depends on it. I understand his burning zeal for protectionism and self-preservation. Hell, he paid into it his entire life. He deserves his health care. But I don't find that excuses the argument that he deserves his healthcare only because he has served his country and has paid into it. Why is healthcare a commodity to be sold and bartered for a profit? Inherently commodities will be sold at the highest margin to turn a profit. To turn the highest profit, value will be compromised. Especially when the patient has no say so in what alternatives are available. The argument has been made that the American system provides choice. Last time I checked, when you sit down with your employer to choose your health benefit options you might have two choices. A premium option and a basic plan—all from the same company. In most cases with a rationed amount of healthcare dollars available to you, and clauses that prevent you from receiving care on pre-existing conditions. There's a lot of money available to the insurance companies due to the blessed few that rarely need it. Trillions of dollars funneled through a system fraught with corruption. Just like the other industries that have profited so much on Americans the last few decades such as oil, the financial sector, and the military-industrial complex. The voices that have thrown red herrings such as "death panels" and "take over" and "tax funded illegal immigrant care" are the very profiteers of the status quo. Over the last ten or so years the top 5% of Americans have done very well, Wall Street had an exceptional run, the oil industry has continued to have record profits, and military contractors during war time are having a banner decade. This is exactly what has happened, and has always happened, and will continue to happen if we don't make a stand.
I am sick and tired of hearing bought Fox talking heads, and nihilistic radio hosts scream socialism, and loosely try to associate the American government to a burgeoning socialistic dictatorship. They scream less government but they are okay with government getting in between the doctor and the mother, the loving couple, Terri Schiavo's dying wish, the medicinal use of marijuana for cancer patients, and the corporation that would rather turn a dime then do the right thing by their client. They yell "liar" at the president, but scream anti-America because you didn't support a war in which was a lie, and conflate it as being against American troops. They applaud the vicious liars that flaunt bigotry as values, and progressive dialogue as weakness. They do more to harm America in cutting the taxes for the richest of Americans then doing what is morally right—protecting our most precious freedom, the freedom to live. Pride comes before the fall.
Ask yourself this question, if John McCain and Sarah Palin won the presidency and they fired a missile into the heart of North Korea after that desperate cry for attention this summer, or claimed that Iran had a weapon of mass destruction. Do you believe that these same people that shout deficit and conservatism would be against a war with either one of those countries? Even if it cost as much as the Iraq war? Would they still be okay if the president took the war off the ledger and paid for it under the table in freshly printed dollars? (Like George W Bush did) Probably so, they were outraged that the American president deemed it okay to address the youth of America about the importance of an education even after 2 of the last three Republican presidents did the very same thing. I guess the Presidents Fitness Program was socialism also. . .
Please rebuke any falsities or lies that you see out there that claim to be real when they are in fact just an attempt to destroy this man's presidency. Like him, or hate him look at the issue and ask yourself if it's okay for a fellow American to die because of corporate profits? Or is it more American to turn a profit under the patriotic notion of capitalism? If that's the case, I question the "character of America".
Public Enemies was a disappointment. Not complete and utter, but failing to live up to my expectations. Much of the critical feedback has been with his choice to utilize "digital High Def" cameras. Anyone that is a fan of Mann's knows of his predilection towards this format. One that he has boldly embraced years before his peers. Me being a fan, I had no issue with this choice. It's a crystal clear picture that reflects a picture more beautiful than life. His passion for the format, fused with sound perfection and chaotic action, masterfully choreographed is an art. In Enemies, he hits all the marks with precision. Where I believe he lacks is his story. Which is a shame considering the topic, and the epic characters. In Heat, Collateral, and The Last of the Mohicans he draws us into the story and projects an intimate portrayal of complex characters, and even more complex situations. I love all three of those movie passionately. I wanted to love this one more. Maybe my expectations were too high?
The movie was as star-studded as any of his other films. Christian Bale has become quite the sensation in the summer with his take on John Connor in the Terminator series, and of course as Bruce Wayne's alter ego. Marion Cotillard is fresh from an Oscar award winning year, and still novel enough to be compelling and void of any typecast. The supporting cast was strong, and looked the part. Especially, Stephen Graham as George "Baby Face" Nelson who lights up the screen with his iteration of the bombastic gangster. Then there was a little known actor by the name of Johnny Depp. I think he had a stint on a popular show in the 80's called 21 Jump Street. It was clear that Depp had put some thought into the character. None of this was moderately close to the presence he has as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirate's of the Caribbean. Granted, he could take more dramatic/comedic liberty with a fictional character, but still disappointing when you know the mythology and history of John Dillinger.
Mann attempts to pit an under-qualified but determined agent Melvin Purvis against the cunning Dillinger. Bale's Purvis is so hardboiled and earnest in everything he does that it just seems stilted. He lacks personality and depth. He is David Caruso's Horatio Cane without the one line quips. It's hard to like the guy, even more to pull for him. The history of "anti-heroes" in film has been well documented but Dillinger is impulsive and free willed minus the fun. His romance with Cotillard's character Billie Frechette (Dillinger's real girlfriend) lacks spark. All of the primary players stories inevitably descend upon each other at a drawn out pace for some explosive battle sequences. When the last bullet is fired and the carnage is splattered and draped all over the elaborate sets it's hard to feel anything. It's a sterile, insipid sensation like driving to work on the scenic route.
Public Enemies doesn't stray too far from the story that Mann did so well in Heat. Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are hard to top but Bale and Depp didn't even come close. In both films there is an influential antagonist who has a power over his men and the respect of both sides. The protagonist is daring, and skilled but overmatched by the "villain". (Heat spoiler) De Niro's bad-guy is so well drawn and then acted that it is morally unsettling when he dies at the end of the film. When Dillinger takes that last breath of destiny, it's far less impactful and it should've been. This is where I believe Mann, although still a hero of mine, may have been overmatched with his grandiose reverence to the action of the era. He seems to have overlooked the humanity of the characters and their relationships. 'Enemies wasn't far off from reading a hard-news story on the front of the newspaper. If you don't know the people involved it rarely affects you. This was Public Enemies.
I'm wondering if Mann left out a lot of the dialogue to speed up his 2hour plus film? I for one, would be curious to watch a director's cut. On bluray of course. Those of you that aren't Mann fans might want to save this one for the eternal tomorrow. I'll get back to you on the director's cut.
Cut the crap. Do those of you "right-thinking" individuals see who represents you?
Glenn Beck said, "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore...I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it,...No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus -- band -- Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure."
"The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be "What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?"
"I'm just so excited... because it's Barney Frank's birthday . . . Let me ask you something. When Barney Frank blows out the candles and everybody's singing Happy Birthday to him and he's like, (Beck began the exaggerated lisp again) "'This is fabulous!' and he then blows (Beck made an exaggerated blowing/lisping noise) out the candles, does anybody else eat the cake?"
Neil Boortz said, "[T]here will be riots in South Central Los Angeles and elsewhere. ... The rioting, of course, will lead to wide scale looting. There are a lot of aspiring rappers and NBA superstars who could really use a nice flat-screen television right now."
Pat Buchanan said, "Our guys" in Iraq "have got every right to have good news put into the media and get to the people of Iraq, even if it's got to be planted or bought." [MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews, 12/1/05]
Michael Savage said, ". . .I said so kill 100 million of them, then there would be 900 million of them. I mean would you rather us die than them? I mean what is it gonna take for you people to wake up? Would you rather we disappear or we die? Or would you rather they disappear and they die? Because you're gonna have to make that choice sooner rather than later."
"A fraud, a racket. ... I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.' "
* On the Democratic Party: "The Democrat [sic] Party is the minority party. ... [Sen. Barack] Obama is a minority, a half minority at least. The membership is made up largely of minority blocs, the Hispanic caucus and the gay caucus -- caucuses that are all against the white person."
Ann Coulter: ""If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."
"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot."
"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."
"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."
"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
Sean Hannity said: "I'll tell you who should be tortured and killed at Guantanamo - every filthy Democrat in the U.S. Congress. "
"This is the moment to say that there are things in life worth fighting and dying for and one of 'em is making sure Nancy Pelosi doesn't become the [House] speaker."
When the voice of your party, or the party that corners the market of your political philosophy, prolifically projects this nonsensical bigotry and right-wing newspeak it's hard for those of us on the outside to take anything you're saying seriously. When your news outlet broadcasts the "fringe conspiracy theory as a legitimate story, and gives their ignorance wings it's hard to take anything coming from that source seriously.
I'm one that likes to believe that all ideas are welcome to the table when there is a sense of reality to base it on before admittance, or the ability to immediately reject what has been proven to be nothing more than some racist's fantasy. The "birther" movement is by far the craziest idea to have disseminated through the ranks of the right. Then you have idiots like Liz Cheney who dance around the answer in hopes of perpetuating the idea even further. Similar to when the Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton didn't outright reject the idea that Obama was Muslim during the campaign. Do we forget the whole Muslim madrassa controversy that Fox news broadcasted based off of a websites un-sourced story? It was quickly denounced as a lie given wings by these same pundits on their 24/7 platform Fox News. Call it politically cunning but denounce it for what it really is—ridiculous. And dangerous.
When the dialogue should be about why Healthcare should be reformed, and what it should look like-- it's hard to even consider a bipartisan approach when these are the very people that represent the GOP nightly on every news show, and drivel all over the editorial columns of the right wing rags.
Left wing mass media, or media in general (go ahead and say it) has its fringe but it's rarely about these crazy ideas. Hollywood is the refuge of fantasy. Political conspiracy makes terrific cinema. And has a home on the internet with the porn and social websites. The issue is, that the Fox empire has created a niche' that caters to the nut-jobs that liked to be fed this crap on a nightly basis. Fox News was created in 1996 to be the answer to the liberal media establishment. They spoke truth to power during the Clinton years, and had a lot to do with George W Bush getting into power in 2000. Now they give a voice to many of the lunatics that I quoted above my piece.
If you believe that these people aren't the voice of true republicans then look at the 38 year-old front runner for the Young Republicans, Audra Shay who responded to the following post on her Facebook: ("Obama Bin Lauden [sic] is the new terrorist… Muslim is on there side [sic]… need to take this country back from all of these mad coons… and illegals") with "You Tell'em!. . ."
When a Home L and Security memo was being circulated that vigilance was needed in regards to "right-wing extremist" Fox News and talk radio cried foul. Despite the subsequent acts of right-wing extremism there is a failure to connect the dots here, and only few see this.
President Barack Obama was the quickest candidate to have secret service protection and it was reported that he has already received more than other president in office. This doesn't temper the rightwing rhetoric, nor does it bother those that feed off of it every night. This is truly disturbing.
What's sad is that it's tearing this country apart. It's not the president, and his policies. It's the minority party playing with the most obscene of politics out of desperation.
I don't pretend to believe that the left is innocent. I do believe that there is an immense chasm between what ethical leaps that the prominent right-wingers take and the prominent left-wingers. Then the very same talking heads that discharge this putrid apocryphal try to expose the websites like the DailyKos and Huffington for being bias and sensational. Come on, cut the crap. You may be right, but let me introduce you to the black kettle because you're delusional and self-righteous. It would be patriotic to reject the aforementioned reckless noisemakers in exchange for rational dissenters that can move the peanut forward. Come on, cut the crap.
I took the long way home tonight. I didn't have big plans this year for the fourth of July. My family doesn't grill or have a ritual to celebrate Independence Day. Tonight as I was driving home I decided that I'd drive past the park to catch the tail end of the fireworks. What caught my eye wasn't the array of colors in the sky but the gathering of colors on the hills. It's inspiring to see blacks, and whites together celebrating Independence Day together. Not to mention, liberals and conservatives. Atheists, Christians, Muslims, and Hindus all piled on top of each other, "oo-hing and ahhing".
Now I don't pretend to think that amongst the crowd all is forgiven, and thoughts of their temporary neighbors are of crystal purity. My point, however, is that when America is the focal point we come together as one nation of many people. Many different people. That is what makes us so special. That is why nations around the world aspire to be like us. It's not because of our healthcare system, or our free-market. It's not because of our hip-hop music and movies. It's not because of our pseudo nationalism that some people flaunt in the hopes of gaining political leverage.
It's our ability to live free and together. God Bless America.
If I had to list my favorite directors, which isn't as hard as listing my favorite movies, Michael Mann would be near the top. He's been known to be all style little substance. I can't say that I totally disagree with that statement. Although, I have trouble seeing Mann in the same category as Joel Schumacher and Michael Bay. I am so excited about Public Enemies! One of my most beloved genres plus the creative vision of Mann and Depp should be a sure bet. Mann has directed some of my favorite films like Last of the Mohicans, and Heat. He's also helmed some other great flicks such as Collateral, Manhunter, Miami Vice, and the Insider. It is rare that you get this type of A-list talent gathered with such a great filmmaker. So I hope that it will be better than American Gangster, which teamed one of my other favorite directors and my two favorite actors in a lackluster crime drama. It will definitely be better than that Hollywood up-chuck Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. I've watched episodes of Blues Clues that had less cheese on it. So let's keep our fingers crossed. I'll get back to you with hopefully rave reviews.
My best friend Devin came to town for a funeral. It's sad that he had to make the trip for something sad but I was glad to see him nonetheless. Spending time with people that you only see in the rearview has a strange effect on you. Well, definitely me. I guess it could be chalked up as nostalgia? It's definitely a good thing. I've found as I've gotten older. As I've begun a family, and career. I have morphed into this other Ryan. I've had this ambivalent progression in my life. A so-called "I don't want to grow up—I want to be a Toys 'R us Kid" moment. But it's been the story of my adulthood. The fun thing is that you are impelled to do it. That noble sense of duty that overcomes you when you have your first kid, or pay your first mortgage. When you baseball cards for the Wall Street Journal. For me, life changed when my friends started to make similar changes in their lives. I don't know if it was a complete metamorphosis but I definitely detected a schism with my lifestyle and theirs. I felt like I was in this black hole, suspended in time where my life was all about wasting time. They had undergone a metamorphosis over night. I enjoyed the late nights of movies, and "war" videogames. The shared pizza tickets, and early morning breakfasts. I love the sound of the same story told over, and over again. I didn't want to give that up. But there is an undeniable force that pulls you in and makes these decisions for you.
Sometimes I try to rebel against it and stay up late. It's funny; because my body started an insurgency about midnight. It beats me to the punch most of the time. Maybe I'm getting old, or just unhealthy but at midnight my body starts to really ache. It screams and groans with every movement, and there's a constant throbbing in my joints that says---go to sleep you fool. The sad thing is that I would consider going back to that moment in my life--when my family was an extended family of friends that I have met over the years. Great, timeless friendships I've had. I've been lucky to have had every one of them. Although, I can't say that being a father and husband aren't more compelling as relationships. I will not say that I see the former as any less important.
Growing is something that we have to do. It begins, when we begin. There is no real right-of-passage. To me it's the journey. How we do it, is where the trials begin. I just wish there was compromise. Because love is transformative in nature, and it's sheer force extends countries and betrayals. How can adulthood be so daunting?
I find that it's not a conscious decision we all make that today; I relinquish these things of my childhood. It is an awareness that comes over you. Or more like the first day you realize you have hair where you haven't had it before, or don't have it. That's the mystery to all of this. Add the daily complexity of life, and the compromise seems like a bigger one by the second.
For what it's worth, I would go back if I knew that my present life was guaranteed. Yet, it's not that simple.
"Hang around with the people That we used to be We hang around on a corner Waiting to go have a seat
And I can try I can see I can want it to be I can laugh I can feel I can say anything that seems real Its just like a dream I can feel I can laugh I can want it to still be real Its a dream Ive had Its the last Now it seems
Now that i I am in town I feel fine Fine for now Now that i I am in town Now that i I am in town"
The past few weeks have been at an accelerated pace. One that I am ill equipped to handle efficiently, and still maintain some level of everyday normalcy. This time the whole pregnancy process has been a bit more of an impending change. Not good, or bad necessarily but life altering. With the last one, my wife and I were nervous and scared yet anxious as we've ever been about anything. I feel as if the date is almost here, and I know that we aren't quite ready nor will we be.
We go through these changes with enthusiastic rookie vigor, very idealistic and focused. Then as the dust begins to settle we regress back into the lives that we use to live. It's easy to be idealistic and principled beforehand but once you are in the present the challenges begins. It's more of an awakening in the life story of someone else. We are no longer the protagonist. We are a peripheral character. This revelation is a gradual one. One that a lot of new parents fail to accept in due time. One that doesn't come easily.
This time I'm more prepared. I understand the gravity of the situation. I'm experienced in the whole labor "coach" routine. My mind is centered and my understanding is more measured against experience. The experiences are priceless. This is what people say when they say that the most important things about life aren't the materials, or the power. It's these priceless memories--the "real" human experience.
I am so amped to go through this again. Life begins and then changes, just to begin again. I was born. I had a great childhood. I became a young man. I became a man. I became a father. I am now the head of a family. I have the beginnings of a legacy that is all my own. So whose story is it? I don't think that it really matters. What matters is that the impact that I have on the lives of my children will define me more as a man than any achievement that I attain in my professional life. All of those failed opportunities and regrets are incomparable to my opportunity to be a great father. The important part is the knowing when to accept the time for you to step back, and allow it to be their story. All the while, you are providing them the foundation for their own legacy.
