The Perfect Days

The time spent with your children is maddening yet fleeting.  Every morning you're awaken by a kid that is different then the one you put to bed.  Sometimes the change goes unnoticed and others can be more significant like a new word or their head overcomes the height of the bed. Every word or word-like thing they say changes, and fades away in the clutter of routine.  All you have are the pictures on your iphone, or what's scrolling across your screensaver to offer a distant memory of these perfect days.  The days when you had it all and didn't even know you were basking in the warm glow of perfection achieved. 

The last few months for me have been very special.  I've never been so tired, and happy at the same time.  As a father you try so hard to keep your kids happy and entertained, while simultaneously teaching them some profound lesson about life.  You don't want them to grow up ill-equipped to handle the perils of adult heartbreak, failure, and overwhelming cynicism. I've spent more time than most fathers are afforded at this point in my life.  We've worn out the Chicfila playground, the Waynesboro playground, GypsyHill Park playground--then we've ventured out of the city to the Bounce-House in Charlottesville and on to the next adventure all in the hopes of expending that limitless energy with the feint hope of a moment to shut your eyes and take a breath.  (If we could only harness this energy we could power the world for the cost of a juice box.) As all of you with children know, that energy is theirs and only theirs, and it's exhausting. 

This year I've spent mornings getting them ready, pulling together a breakfast--usually cereal or a cereal bar and fruit. Then I rush Aubrey to school.  Liam and I then sojourn to the house or run some type of errand.  The morning is usually full of Skylander Giants, or Batman.  Then the questions that he asks, that have no answer that suits his infinite imagination. I then usually try to get him to take a nap, and try in the most futile sense of the word.  We usually grab some type of lunch from the house.  In the afternoon I try to preoccupy him as much as I can so I can get some things done around the house.  After all of that failure, I go and pick up my darling at school.  This is one of the most precious memories I will try to hold on.  The dropping off, and picking up of Aubrey is truly a memory worth fighting for.  She saunters to the door, and ever so gracefully adorable she looks back at the car, and waves and smiles.  When I pick her up she is so excited to see me.  She tells the teacher that I'm her daddy, and points with such happiness on her face.  It's hard to tell where the smile starts, you would assume the face, but I can feel it from inside.  

My children have reinvented me, once the engineer of my next great distraction to the purveyor of their laugh, and the passenger on their next flight from the mundane. I would be lying if I said that every moment was this warm glowing image of happiness and laughter, but that's part of the journey of parenthood. Sometimes it's raising your voice and the surfacing of your parental ire so often for the most insignificant of infractions.  I imagine that my transgressions as a parent, to this day, are quite common and in fact--expected.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      And I think we all have to come to terms with that.

As I imagine the kind of kid, I can't help but think of the life that is in front of Aubrey and Liam.  Will they have the friends that I've had? Will they have some of the same crippling fears, and passionate beliefs? I know that my parents were not perfect, and yet they were.  Both in their own ways.  Because being a great parent isn't about being perfect, it's about the mistakes and the growth where we are weak or remiss in the moment.  When it's all said and done, the lessons learned are both profound and sometime unemphatic.  For the children, as well as the parents these moments are precious.  

I can't be more blessed.  I hope to bestow them the same blessings as they reflect back on this time that we've had together.  As we all know-- we never get this time back.  

Where do we go from here America?

Amid all the tragedy this week the sun still rises for most of us.
The empathetic soul of America is stronger than its ever been.
Everyone wants to weigh in. Some with a more humble spirit,
and heavy heart. Others not so much... Instead of taking political
potshots at the less sophisticated thinkers of the world. Let's share the numerous stories of profound sacrifice and heroism.

It has become fashionable to dwell, and commiserate with each other
versus lift each other up. I'm so tired of hearing how bad
the economy is, and how bleak our future is and will be. What I would like to hear is some form of optimism, however, depending on where it's coming from only a few will see it as hope versus spin.

Only in these moments of national mourning, and ground swell of
patriotism do we somehow come together. It's not
even a hopefullness that arises, it's more of a gathering of hands.
This unity is something that shouldn't need a harrowing catalyst.
We are the same cast of principle characters. We have to stop
doubting the intentions of our neighbors, and assuming the worst
case scenario for every new idea.

There are some Americans that want some version of our nations history that is not possible, and we can't repeat. On the contrary, some are drawn to that connection and community that is enabled by our smartphones and computers to share everything, but still pine for those days of simple solitude of 50's America. We want it both ways.

There's the other side of America that wants more, and isn't
satisfied with accepting the way our Grandparents believed and
accepted. No offense to their elders but they want more freedom,
when it comes to what they do with their lives, their bodies, and
their privates. It's this divergence of ideas that are very
similar in theme but different in content.

This nation needs to reflect on these days of tragedy, and in
earnest, break from this habitual hatred for what we proclaim
to be so proud of --our democracy. As a nation of immigrants,
with different values and faiths, we are proud of this diveristy
on one hand and angrly opposed to the very thing that made us
great. A nation of pioneers, and pilgrims, and yes... the darker side of our history slaves and conquerors. From these individuals we have grown into the most powerful country in the world. Yet we can't
accept the fact that our lives are all valuable, and worthy of the
American dream. It's only in the chaos of imagery we now
see 24 hours a day, and exploited and bastardized on
Facebook like some elaborate game of telephone that we set aside our differences and judgement.

Is it now American that tragedy is the only thing that brings us
together? We should stand up for each other now, and accept
that the very qualities that make us different are also what
makes our idealism stronger. A constitution that allows us
guns centuries ago, doesn't necessarily allow us the most
technologically advanced weaponry available. Yes, I get it
the government makes you uncomfortable with all that
"power". Did it make you uncomfortable when it got the
right to tap all of our computers and telephones? Are we
so accepting of the idea that freedom is somehow an absolute
that can't be discussed in our great democracy? Immigration
we've accepted as a problem with the only way to fix it is
to deny the very same way our families once arrived on this
land centuries ago? Is it beyond our capacity as Americans
to discuss these very polarizing differences without assuming that because they are different, they are evil. It's not our freedom, it's the fact that we don't just fall in line. We are adaptable, and we can compromise. That's what's hard to figure out. The countries that don't have this capability, or freedom --hate us because of our capacity to work together even though we don't all have the same faith, and creed. That's American.

I'm so tired of the hate, and shame that comes from being in
dissent of the majority. This passive-aggresive bullying
that occurs in so many families, and social circles where
brother and sister talk down to each other, and belittle the
so-called "ignorance" of their family member because they
read a blog, or a chain-mail, or Uncle Rush told them so.
That is not American, no matter how loud they say it or
how much they cover themselves in Red, White, and Blue.
That is not patriotism, that's fanatacism not unlike having
your dog, car, and house decorated in your favorite team's
colors and logos.

Let's learn from these moments where American's rich and
poor, democrat and republican, and christian and
non-believers reach out for each others hands, and help each
other up from the blood and ash. I love this country, but I
can say without a doubt that we aren't perfect, and we never
have been. But we all will come together and fight for it
when the time comes. We all get that rush of blood up our
neck when we hear the national anthem, or our president say
"You're with us, or your against us." We are at the tipping
point, let's push through not fall. There's too much at stake. God bless America. God bless Boston.

Let's Move Forward

American politics is as volatile as the gladiatorial games of the great coliseum. It’s dirty, and all that matters is who’s standing when it’s all said and done. When the word politics is used in a business setting, or organizational setting it is never used in a positive light. Where we are now, and where we’ve come from are so far apart that the only way to heal our politics is to reject it. That’s what so many Americans have done. They’ve refused to participate. I can’t blame them. We can shame them for their dissidence. We can laugh at their supposed ignorance. At least it’s honest.


I’ve spent most of my life subscribing to this philosophy. Mainly due to the lack of honesty in political discourse. It has taken a court room element--and made it worse. It has become a tribal council of sorts. The whole purpose of the opposition is to discredit their adversary. Remove their credibility, disavow their citizenship or faith, and question their humanity. This has been called “Rovian strategy” after George W Bush’s campaign manager and advisor slandered his Republican opponent John McCain in the 2000 primaries for being gay, cheating on his wife, and the race of his adopted daughter. Ad hominem politics can’t all be hung around Rove’s neck. The truth of the matter is that this type of politics has been around since the dawn of representative government. Albeit, it is more of a blood-sport today than ever before but not new. The problem is that the opponent has been so slandered that their point-of-view doesn’t matter. The content of the conversation is not longer about what’s right, it’s about who’s wrong.

Over the last decade I’ve become more politically active, and more curious than the average citizen. Most individuals take their cues from their supposed trusted news source. Most likely because a family member, or trusted friend recommended either Fox or CNN. What I’ve always tried to find is the integrity of a news story. I went to college to study journalism, and learned the many tactics of what is called tabloid journalism. The techniques used by these entertainment driven stories are the very same used by reputable news organizations with a slant to the left or right. Unfortunately we can’t put absolute faith in these once honorable organizations because of their financial obligations to companies, and organizations that fund them. Ratings drive higher ad-buys and drive more revenue. A government run news agency would defeat the purpose of journalism because the original “muckrackers” were borne out of the need to hold our government officials accountable. In this day and age, government trust is at an all time low thus rendering any organization funded by the government as corrupted. For instance, the way the right have characterized PBS. PBS was created with the purpose of providing educational programs for families and children where cable wasn’t available or affordable. Far from being the news wing of the communist party. But if all of this is true, where can one go to find honest news. The internet right…

So my quest to find a truthful news source may very well be futile. This problem is particularly pernicious to American Democracy because editorial news is now the preferred method of receiving news. We find comfort in one particular news organization, or news personality. Then we want them to decode and help us understand the news because for us to actually spend more than a few minutes trying to get all the facts and see both sides requires more effort than we are willing to surrender. We want our news in Facebook posts, and Tweets. Simple and already endorsed by our favorite news personalities. This helps us to sound informed and feel empowered.

When these pre-fabricated opinions are confronted by contention or reality for that matter, we shut down. Our most primitive parts of our brains override rationality, and we demonize the others opinion. We corrupt religion, and hijack patriotism as the deciding factor in the conversation or lack there of. To agree with the other side is treason. And the truth of the matter is the rare stowaway lost in the confusion.

This election will come down to the votes of the more energized base. Unlike elections of the past, where the holy grail of winning has always been with the “undecideds”. American politics has been poisoned. For me to come out and say that I support the president’s reelection would open the eyes of many of my family members, and friends. Most people that have asked I would have the conversation with them and share my reasoning. If you’ve read my previous posts over the years you know where I stand. I just refuse to argue with people that will take it personally. They’ve already given up on truth, and respecting the process of dialogue. If I may be so bold to predict that because of the state of American politics the comments of New Jersey’s Republican Governor Christ Christie will come under fire by Fox News and their lot. He is on record today as praising President Obama’s handling of the preparation, and aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. No doubt he will be derided and scorned by his most embedded members of his party as being off message, and needing to walk the party line. This is the way of things, and if we allow it the future of democracy. It’s one way or the other, it’s never the best way. Compromise will become as dirty a word as politics. Unification is seen as treason.

This election comes down to two ways of thinking. Both parties will claim the other is using a lie, or loose facts to support their philosophy. In a way, both parties are right. Here’s what I know. Mitt Romney supports the most polarizing views of social and cultural politics, but is on record as being against all of them at some point. He claims to be this business mastermind but based off of the statistics of when he ran Massachusetts he was far from it. His states successes were built on policies that were in place before he was governor. He raised taxes, and fees on his constituents and added to debt penalizing schools. His crowning achievement is the very DNA of what Obama’s crowning achievement is predicated on. His running mate is firmly behind a slash and burn form of budget cutting that will fundamentally change the way we live in this country, and further creating the sea between the middle class and upper class. I also fear that behind the bluster and posturing of Mitt’s foreign policy we will find ourselves in a more dangerous America and world. He can talk all he wants about we are weaker, and perceived as weaker now than we were four years ago. That is a pure partisan lie. In 2008 when the US’s economy was on the brink we were at our weakest. Al-Qaida’s stated strategy was to watch our economy crumble. I believe if you really distill the facts from the opinions the decision becomes a lot more clear.

President Obama inherited an economic disaster. Think about what was being said during the 2008 election . What would McCain had done that was so different? The bail-outs and rescues were already in place before he took office. The stimulus wasn’t as effective as he had stated, but do we know what would have happened if it was not put in place? Are we so sure that a bankrupt American car industry would have been better for our economy, and for the jobs reports? We hear one side speak in such absolutes and certitudes, but do we really give each issue the thought that what would McCain and Palin have done? It’s easy to sit back and play Monday Morning Quarterback. I know that President Bush was treated the same way by the left on many occasions, and just as distastefully. But when is enough going to be enough? Will it be when the Kenyan is out of office? Or will it be now? Lets move Forward. Not back to the Wild West economy of the Bush Years.

Unemployment is down from double digits to lower than it was when he took office. The free fall of jobs lost (800k a month) is now 30 plus months of job growth. Consumer confidence is climbing, and holding steady. The Stock Market has come roaring back and has nearly doubled. None of this matters. Because in the end you will believe what your prefabricated opinion tells you to believe. I ask you to consider this, because this is how I remember it.

I worked retail in 2008, and still do for that matter. I remember the dread of conference calls where they were announcing layoffs, and cut backs. I remember reading in the news of the imminent downfall of Linen’s ‘n Things, Borders, and Circuit City. I remember the news stated that the banks, and creditors pulled the rug out under the funding to keep these businesses running. I also remember it being Black Friday, and not having anyone in line. These were scary times. Be fair in your assessment. Are we better off than we were four years ago? If you say no you are being dishonest. Get out and vote!

http://www.barackobama.com/economy

How does The Dark Knight Rises fit in the trilogy?

Tragedy, and the endless question of absolute freedom

There's a world of emotions that go through your mind when violence occurs.  One can't help but insert themselves in that moment and imagine what they would've done.  They question and judge the actions of parents that would've allowed their children go to a midnight showing of a summer blockbuster.  Judgement on the actions of a man in moment of crisis.  The criticism of  the violent lyrics and images that maraud our imagination.  We are drawn to these conversations in the aftermath of a tragedy.  Honesty is not an American virtue, well it hasn't been for a long time so let's not stumble through that argument.  Let's be honest with each other now and say that we are not just drawn to the conversation but to the action.  Art and Reality confronted each other early Thursday morning in Aurora, Colorado.  The very root of it is the human condition.  Albeit, one sick individual who I will not pretend to know what his true agenda, or inspiration perpetrated these acts of violence. This wasn't a mankind action, we haven't gotten their yet, but we get damn close in declarations of war and the knowing and inevitable murder of families from across the globe. Then the celebration of these acts consciously and indirectly. Now the line up of psychologists, and commentator types will be giving you their opinion. The twittersphere, blogosphere, Facebook Copy & Paste-sphere will all weigh in with some borrowed phrase on what should happen to this man, what "I" would've done, and what should happen to the gun laws or the movies.   I don't write these thoughts down as a recommendation for change in anyway.  I'm not so bold, or wise for that matter.  What I do say is that we consider what is on the table here.  We have the freedom to feel and share how we feel openly here in America.  We have the right to watch the art of violence unfold in high definition and 3D if you so choose... We have the right to arm ourselves, and currently we have the right to arm ourselves like this guy--like we are ready for war.  All of that is freedom, and to limit that would be an abasement to our freedom. I know people will say guns don't kill people, nor does art.  Art influences the mind and plays to our emotions both in the beauty and and the horror.  I love art.  I love the movies.  I loved this movie.  Anyone that watched Nolan's epic trilogy realizes that it is not a glorification of violence but an ode to the human spirit.  A glorification, if you will, of an ordinary citizen giving everything for the common good.  The scary thing is that this personification of evil--and I will never say his name nor watch the monetization of his name in the 24 hour news cycles and printed words to come-- had access to weapons that he had the right to.  This lost soul was an ordinary citizen that acted and had the tools and resources to take not just one life but the lives of many.  The holes that are left in these families are permanent.  Nothing that happens to this soulless coward will ever change the void and the ripple effect.  How we as a society move forward is the only way we progress as a species.  We can either arm ourselves even more, or have a real conversation on what are the limits or should we have them? In the end I know that you can't kill someone with a movie.  I know that Christopher Nolan is carrying some of the weight here.  That is unfair.  I again, don't write this to defend Nolan or anyone for that matter.  I write this as a question about society.  A society that fails to act but quickly boasts what "they would've done".  I love America, and I love freedom.  I don't think it's out-of-bounds to say that when we were given the right to bear arms our forefathers didn't envision the world we have today.  Now you will question my patriotism for using my right to free-speech.

Surreal-ity Television

Sometime I question if talent really is necessary to become successful? Then again, maybe success is too often conflated with fame? The sheer volumes of reality shows about the lives of famous people who are no more remarkable then the majority of people living in your neighborhood pervade network television. The ingenuity of what was reality television has been replaced by the inanity of their distorted version of reality. This is a scary scenario where the target audience is at their most vulnerable and impressionable stages of their lives. It’s not the commercials that are dangerous to the future generations. It’s the obsessive’s, sociopaths, addicts, and extremist that are available 24/7 on television, internet, and your smart-devices of choice. These aforementioned narcissists have endless advertising partnerships and product deals-- to sell their perfumes, and clothing lines. If it was just MTV/VH1 it would be one thing, but the educational channels such as History and TLC have joined the dark side. This transformation isn’t much different than the migration of network news to becoming entertainment more concerned with ratings then fact-checking the powers-that-be. I can’t personally complain because I am not innocent. The consumers are the problem. The television is the enabler. As our phones get smarter we get dumber and we are okay with that in the spirit of simple is better. Albert Einstein once said, “Make things as simple as possible, but not simpler,” a great quote now relegated to the Quote-Garden online. Along with the samplings of Kim Kardashian, Larry “The Cable Guy”, and Sarah Palin. We really need to pay attention to what our kids are watching, hell—what we’re watching… I had to check myself at the door and wonder if I am just getting older and too conservative in my age. No, there really are shows about do-nothing heiresses and people that buy shit out of a vacated storage unit. Just because you are good at basketball doesn’t mean I should care what you do in your spare time with your spoils. Oh you were famous in the 80’s, I don’t give a damn how your life has changed since you blew your money on hookers and blow. Now if it was a show about the hookers and blow…maybe. Now we post every little action, every thought, and every bodily function on the internet for the masses. We push our religiosity and provincialism onto each other through inaccurate internet communiqué and tired witticisms. We have surrendered our creativity and individuality for cyber individuality and creativity. We have been beguiled by our own vanity, and it’s gone too far. We want to live these fantastic lives with the blonde on one arm and the gun, basketball, or microphone in the other. Now this blog has been an exercise in my vanity, and I don’t pretend to deny the hypocrisy. I do however want to point out theirs! Let’s hold ourselves to a higher standard people. Oooooh! Dancing with the Stars is on.

Happy (belated) Mother's Day

When I was a young boy, I loved the warm solace of my mother’s lap. In the times of loneliness brought on by the heartbreak of youth, here was where I felt the most comforted. My mom has always been there for me. Not just in the way that parents are suppose to be there --roof over your head, food on your plate and such. She’s been that consistent influence on me to be the best version of myself. Even when I failed she accepted me for who I was, and what I did or didn’t accomplish. For all sons are imperfect in reality…just don’t tell their mothers for they will never believe you. Well my mother never suggested it… That kind of unconditional love is the truest thing in this world.

My childhood was good. For most of it we lived in the small town of Martinsburg, West Virginia. It was me, my sister, and my mom living in a small house on a busy road, on an old block where houses and businesses intermingled. We didn’t have a lot but I never realized it. Mom pursued one of eventually two masters-degrees while we were living there. I know this was something she valued, yet had to consider the means and time it would take while we were young. My mom gave us every chance to do what we wanted to do whether it was basketball, or learning karate. With one catch—we had to finish what we started. No matter how much we hated it, we couldn’t quit. As a child I was not a fan of this rule, but as a man I believe it taught me some very important lessons. First, I need to consider what I want before I make a decision. I need to truly understand the nature of the commitment. Then it taught me that quitting is a temporary gratification. Finishing what I started is a true accomplishment, and that the integrity is in resolve.

Parents have to sacrifice. Change comes in many forms when you have children. Your spending, sleep, and social habits all must be altered to accommodate the presence of children. I know that I was thankful as a child, but your perception is narrow as a kid. I don’t think this really expands until you have kids of your own. My mom sacrificed so much for us so we could be happy, and well rounded individuals. One of my purest hopes is that she feels that we have become the adults she had imagined us to be.

One of my clearest memories as a child was Christmas morning when I was probably eight, my sister six. We woke up like every kid in the world, with the wily anticipation of what was under the tree. We went running into mom’s bedroom to see if she was awake. She was still in bed, and very sick. The discomfort of her sickness prevented her from getting much sleep and when she answered our question, “Can we go ahead and open our presents?” She said, “Yes”. At least that’s how I remember it. In the confusion of Christmas morning elation we didn’t understand why she was so mad at us. It’s funny how I know how this must have felt to her then as starkly as if I was there watching from the back of the room like Scrooge on his journey with the Spirit of Christmas Past. Children don’t have the capacity to understand the love of parents. They love because they just do. Kids can’t really put it into words because it’s indescribable. It’s just a feeling.

My most lonely moment was about ten years later, while I was in college. I had received a full-athletic scholarship, and was finally able to help support myself and my education. I know my mom was as proud of me as any mother could be at this point of my life. In the end, I wasn’t able to meet the commitment that I had made to the school, my coaches, myself. I was deeply shamed, and felt alone in my decision. When my mom came down to pick me up and take me back home, I didn’t even want to talk about it. I didn’t know how she would accept my decision. I know that she didn’t want me to quit. What happened wasn’t unexpected, more reassuring than anything. Even in her disappointment she made me feel loved.

Now I am trying to do what I couldn’t as a kid. Mom thank you for all the sacrifices you made for us. Thanks for never letting me be a coward, and teaching me that with confidence I can move forward without concern of not having a soft place to land. You taught me the virtues of what it means to be a good person. That trust was really the only commodity we were born with that money can’t buy back. Most importantly you always taught me to think on my own, and not to just accept what I was told as fact without using my discernment.

In my childhood I was emboldened by the love of my mother as being handsome, intelligent, and strong. I never believed all of these things wholeheartedly, and to this day I’m not so sure they are all true. What matters is that even in my overwrought credulity I was loved, and I am who I am today because of it. I hope you had a Happy Mother’s Day, and I wish I could’ve been there for it. Thanks Mom.

Sanctimony makes me sick

One thing that has really crawled under my skin is self-righteousness.  Especially staged, self-righteousness that tends to rear its reprehensible head at the point of the most incredible irony.  

The pop-singer Whitney Houston died at age 47 over the weekend.  What's more troubling is that a 9 year-old little girl died over the weekend.  I never met her, yet I've heard so much incredible things about her and her truly inspiring message of hope.  I also read of middle-eastern violence over the weekend.  Acts of such sorrow, and desperation that just the very thought have left me a different person then the one that read the first sentence.

The days go by, and life goes on. Sometimes merciless and apathetic sneaking into the night. Other times it is miraculous and moving beyond words like the birth of a child.  

What leaves me really disgusted is when people disparage the life of another because of some belief or notion that may or may not be true.  In Whitney's case I've seen a lot of comparisons to her and the troops.  As if her death is somehow invalid because of another's death.

One thing about the media, if you haven't realized is that the product is nothing more than a reflection of its perverse consumer.  It's nothing more than high-brow Jersey Shore.  Cable news is only as good as the ad-buy that companies will be willing to pay.  The content only as good as the ratings.  The quality of the news is nothing more than the meaningless attention span of us.  Yeah, it's as jaded and dispassionate as that.  There's no noble cause or what is right, so get off the high-horse and turn it off if you are so inclined.

A celebrities death is no more or less important than the death of someone close to you.  As troubling as the thought of an innocent that had no choice in the matter dying, it's the way it has always been.  JFK once said, "As we express our gratitude, we must not forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." I find this to be the ideal way to celebrate the loss of someone, especially our great military.  My family, some of yours have had fathers and grandfathers fight for my right to decide whether that was my path.  I am thankful for that. I don't pretend to claim that my mere words are reflective of the gratitude commensurate of such sacrifice.  However, I will not downplay the death of someone no matter how great or flawed they might be. In my daily actions is where I can truly celebrate the lives of those that are here no more.  
I will suggest that we don't place fools on a pedestal just because they are entertaining. The Anna Nicole Smiths of the world.  The rapper that beats his girlfriend's bloody visage.  The no-talent heir of a Hotel empire gets her own show and fragrance.  In some cases, where a talent so profound as Whitney Houston or on a lower scale as Amy Winehouse can truly affect a person.  Their lyrics can help maybe a friend deal with the loss of a close one, or just overcome the day.  These people, meant something no matter how noble the cause.  How they live their life is not something we can control.  It's tragic and unnecessary. It is their life however, and we celebrate that freedom.  We create the future celebrities that will dominate the news, and we are creating them now.  

“The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it.” Ernest Hemingway

New Beginnings… Usually come at the expense of something else, an ending. Despite the pain and debilitating stress it's hard to leave behind something that has defined you for so many years for better or for worse. I can count all of the triumphs but know that I have had them. I can remember the close relationships, and cherish the transformative ones. That is what I hope to walk away with, and remember years from now. The ups and downs now are disproportionately down compared to the ones of yesterday. The sacrifice and distraction away from the important things will be easy to say goodbye to. The desire to get ahead and work on something other than what I really need to spend my time on--won't burden me any longer. The sordid politics will not turn my stomach another endless minute. I begin a journey new to me, and my family. A new town, a new career, a renewed lease on life. Life is temporary isn't it? Change and circumstance in which we are powerless to alter so much of our time here, yet blind to what we truly can do when we apply ourselves. We deserve our stake in our perpetually moving existence and fail to seize it. We have a responsibility to not only ourselves, and our family, we have an obligation to do what's right by them. You don't get to go down in flames by choice when you have kids that call your name every morning just for a moment of your time, and a calming embrace. You can't have your addictions, and not own up to what they are and what it will require of you to overcome them in the name of what is good and true. I am as average as anyone else, self-awareness usually doesn't come without tears and suffering. I walk away from my enlightenment not scarred but jaded. Not damaged, but cynical. Not despondent, but focused. It's all vacuous and inauthentic, yet we build our lives around it and fail to be honest that we are slaves to our own vanity. Victims to our own comforting and mindless routine… How do we walk away, head up, pride intact, self-aware… I am, and I do it in earnest. A new life with clear eyes. No regrets, no questions, no sentimentality, just lost days only now to be forgotten. So it begins… My journey to be written about here, not for sentimentality, instead for my understanding. A record of where I was, and where I want to go as an individual. Goodnight, and until tomorrow's first light.

 

"The truth that doesn't bend, breaks."

"Bend to far, and you're already broken."

"Theres the street, the game, and what happened here today."

 

                The Wire: My favorite television show…ever

 

So often television tries to shed the robe of cliché and transcend the entire genre. Endless, but not very deep are the annuls of television history. Despite that matter, I have struggled to "assign" what I consider to be the best of television. Not that the world is waiting with bated breath… I think I found a definite contender for number one. The Wire ended 2 years ago on HBO. "It's not television, It's HBO" the tagline for the network which has brought many other great shows such as The Sopranos and Deadwood has put out cinema quality shows now for years. The three aforementioned shows are all favorites of mine, and Wire being the best.

All three of the shows are character driven, and both Deadwood and The Sopranos have dominating lead characters. What makes The Wire great is the depth of characters both in numbers and in the quality. Series creators David Simon and Ed Burns took their real life experiences in the trenches and created a series so visceral that it demands your full attention. Leaving you with questions about how can this be true, and I bet that is true and a perverse curiosity of what it would be like to live "down in the hole". Simon was a reporter for the Baltimore Sun. Burns was a Baltimore homicide and drug cop for twenty years, then taught in the inner-city schools prior to working with Simon on The Wire. A lifetime of experiences can be quite the muse. These two men have put together one whopping story, and then took that story and invested in its characters like no other television show has in my opinion.

Although many of the characters are described by the creators as being "inspired by" they affirm that it is a work of fiction. The genius of the show is that it takes a story line, a dubious cast of characters, and makes you care for them. Even the drug king-pins and murderers have a connection with the story in which it is hard to assign villain or hero. Shades of grey pervade the show at every angle. Each show is so intricate, so nuanced, and every detail matters that it requires a commitment of the viewer to carry on unlike many other shows. It eschews red herring, and cliché in lieu of reality. Reality so unbelievable sometimes that it strains the credulity to believe that this … really happens. Each season has a payoff for the audience. Then they hit the reset button, shake everything up, and change the plot line. Each season exists within itself, but not ignorant to the others. In the end, all five seasons can be put together like a puzzle. The complexity of the show is what really stays with you after watching the entire story. It's not an obvious complexity, but one that you appreciate after time.

 

Many have called The Wire Shakespearian, and not only a great television achievement a "literary achievement". This acclaim is deserved, and seconded here. I can relate to those that have seen clips, or the cover of the box-set and think they are getting Boys n' the Hood. Season one, the closest to 'Hood speaks to the same plight of growing up in this environment yet offers so much more. Those movies that romanticize the "Gangsta" lifestyle, offer just that and very little substance. Where 'Hood waxed poetic on brotherhood, Wire is poetically true to the streets and that same brotherhood. A relationship that comes with a heavy price. Proof that the term "thick as thieves" can mean more than those on the corner slanging, but can better be used to describe the politicians and the powers-that-be who we trust to protect and govern us. The show pulls no punches in regards to police and government corruption, union and organized crime collusion, the schools futile endeavor to educate the inner-city youth, and the media's affair with headlines and ad revenue.

The show doesn't get behind just one hero but the many that go to work every day and have to oppose these very forces. Some turn a blind eye to it and accept the bleak circumstances that are portrayed so realistically here. Then there's the teacher that reaches into his own pockets. The newspaper editor that says something doesn't seem right here. The cop that says when people are dying, policy doesn't matter. The stories of the unsung rebels that are truly heroic.

I highly recommend The Wire. I spotted this on my desktop when I sat down to write a little about a new show called The Walking Dead. I can say even today, that I yearn for the time to sit down and reexamine The Wire. The last episode goes down as one of the greatest ending chapters to any store told. Not gaudy and overcooked like so much television. Pitch perfect and reverent to the characters and the city that made the show what it is and always will be--a snapshot of a time and place that will always exist if we choose to ignore it. An exposé on society and a forgotten world right under our noses, and all around us. A thank-you to those that have the duty to enforce the laws that insulate us from the atrocities that happen every day, right under our nose. Especially the true heroes that stick their necks out in order to make sure justice is served even though the forces against them seem unstoppable.

Ill end on a quote, just like I started this piece with and just like each episode of The Wire started.

"Thin line between Heaven and here." Bubbles

 

 

 

Revelations in Parenting

While shopping the other day I observed a kid, probably five years old or so, running through the aisles and knocking merchandise from the shelves. I thought to myself, What the hell… The parent yelled at the kid, and told him to “Wait until we get home!” Leaving me to wonder, what that entailed.
See this is where it starts. It’s not society as a whole. It’s not the schools. It’s not the music or the television. If you subscribe to any of that, you are wrong. In many cases, it can’t help-- I’ll give you that, but it’s not the source. It’s parenting. It’s the deterioration of what parenthood has become in modern times. Parenthood is not just the result of sex, it’s much more than that. It’s a complete change in the direction of your life; it’s no longer about you it’s about them. It’s about the acceptance in a paradigm shift.
I’ve only been a parent now for a little over 3 years, and in many cases that doesn’t qualify someone as a professional. It does, however, represent experience. Whether or not you agree with that being enough to speak on the matter, I’ll leave that up to you. One thing for sure, I’m far from being the perfect parent. That’s another diatribe for another day. So often we get caught up in the now and lose sight of the later. I had to learn, like so many, that I am now an enabler for good or bad. For better, and for worse. . .
It’s so often kids are slapped, or spanked for speaking out of line or misbehaving or otherwise being a kid. We are teaching, and they are learning. Lesson: violence is the answer. When you’re frustrated it’s okay to hit. If you don’t have an answer, use your physicality.
Some parents drag their children out to see late night movies, or unacceptably violent films. The other day I went to see a “Grindhouse” inspired film Machete, where in the first five minutes of the film there are multiple decapitations, and an abundance of gore. The theater I was in had many children watching, observing, and absorbing this story about a Mexican policeman turned vigilante. Lesson learned, there isn’t a difference between what a child should see and an adult. No distinction between the cold and vicious world, and the innocence of a child. (Again, the movie is not why I mentioned this—it’s the parental choice being made to allow their children to watch it.)
I know, how dare me judge other parents. But when you make a decision some well thought out, and others perfunctory in nature-- you are authoring a narrative that your children live in. In every story the experiences both momentary and profound have resonance with the characters. Every decision, or action—lessons learned. It’s been said, parenting is an experiment in folly. I’m a strongly against spanking my children, yet the other night I caught myself put a little whooping on my son’s posterior for doing something repeatedly after being admonished. I had to collect myself, not in temperament but in recognition of the fact that I did what I did. Even though, the spanking was mild in nature, it was unequivocally physical. Afterward, I was able to assert my control of the situation, and maintain my stance even though I lost my senses for a split second. I learned from that very moment.
This is not a declaration of what is right, or what is wrong. It is however a recognition, or better yet a revelation that I have had about myself. One that I hope more parents would have before it is too late. The human mind is highly complex, and the child’s psyche can be delicate and frail. Do not take your actions lightly. When your kid is bad, and tearing up the store or just being downright ornery. Don’t accept that, and promise them something if they improve their behavior. Improve, is that what’s okay these days? Think about it, so often we wonder why criminals keep falling back into the same behaviors. Why in relationships we seem so willing to accept abuse? Why so many kids drop out of school? Or engage in reckless behavior. . .
It’s not supernatural. It’s the patterns so intricate and woven into their very being. Where behavior is only relevant in the future and discipline is only delved out at our convenience. The back of the hand is easier in lieu of a conversation. Kids are told to “shut-up” and are better pacified with candy or video-games so we don’t inconvenience our lives.
It’s been said, that in parenting you should just “do your best”. True. I agree wholeheartedly and personally subscribe to that. I only contend that some parent’s version of “best” is not acceptable. It’s a gesture to make them feel better about being selfish and shortsighted. Parenting is selfless, and quite often inconvenient. I believe despite all of that, it’s tremendously rewarding. Some children make it out just fine, others don’t. That’s a question better phrased as nature versus nurture. The fact that the argument has never been put to rest, that I know of, is a testament to the very complexity of parenting. I can’t imagine that the lazy, feckless, shiftless youth of today are the result of a reverse Darwinism. That we are destined to become, like characterized in the little seen film by Mike Judge Idiocracy, a society of imbeciles.
Let’s just hope that isn’t true. Then, if x doesn’t equal y, then what does x equal? How do we overcome this rot? Where do we go from here? Bad parenting isn’t illegal as long as it’s not neglect.
As a gardener fertilizes his land, nourishes his crop, we control the ultimate demise of a generation. Or the prosperity mankind. The task is arduous. We must stay the course, and try to get better every day. I hope to give my daughter the fairytale, and my son the dream. These are the hopes of all fathers, and I pray that I can provide for them the opportunity for greatness.