The Great Wide Open

Sanctimony makes me sick

2012-02-14T12:45:00.002-05:00

One thing that has really crawled under my skin is self-righteousness. Especially staged, self-righteousness that tends to rear its reprehensible head at the point of the most incredible irony.

The pop-singer Whitney Houston died at age 47 over the weekend. What's more troubling is that a 9 year-old little girl died over the weekend. I never met her, yet I've heard so much incredible things about her and her truly inspiring message of hope. I also read of middle-eastern violence over the weekend. Acts of such sorrow, and desperation that just the very thought have left me a different person then the one that read the first sentence.

The days go by, and life goes on. Sometimes merciless and apathetic sneaking into the night. Other times it is miraculous and moving beyond words like the birth of a child.

What leaves me really disgusted is when people disparage the life of another because of some belief or notion that may or may not be true. In Whitney's case I've seen a lot of comparisons to her and the troops. As if her death is somehow invalid because of another's death.

One thing about the media, if you haven't realized is that the product is nothing more than a reflection of its perverse consumer. It's nothing more than high-brow Jersey Shore. Cable news is only as good as the ad-buy that companies will be willing to pay. The content only as good as the ratings. The quality of the news is nothing more than the meaningless attention span of us. Yeah, it's as jaded and dispassionate as that. There's no noble cause or what is right, so get off the high-horse and turn it off if you are so inclined.

A celebrities death is no more or less important than the death of someone close to you. As troubling as the thought of an innocent that had no choice in the matter dying, it's the way it has always been. JFK once said, "As we express our gratitude, we must not forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." I find this to be the ideal way to celebrate the loss of someone, especially our great military. My family, some of yours have had fathers and grandfathers fight for my right to decide whether that was my path. I am thankful for that. I don't pretend to claim that my mere words are reflective of the gratitude commensurate of such sacrifice. However, I will not downplay the death of someone no matter how great or flawed they might be. In my daily actions is where I can truly celebrate the lives of those that are here no more.
I will suggest that we don't place fools on a pedestal just because they are entertaining. The Anna Nicole Smiths of the world. The rapper that beats his girlfriend's bloody visage. The no-talent heir of a Hotel empire gets her own show and fragrance. In some cases, where a talent so profound as Whitney Houston or on a lower scale as Amy Winehouse can truly affect a person. Their lyrics can help maybe a friend deal with the loss of a close one, or just overcome the day. These people, meant something no matter how noble the cause. How they live their life is not something we can control. It's tragic and unnecessary. It is their life however, and we celebrate that freedom. We create the future celebrities that will dominate the news, and we are creating them now.

“The writer must write what he has to say, not speak it.” Ernest Hemingway

2011-07-02T01:20:00.001-04:00

New Beginnings… Usually come at the expense of something else, an ending. Despite the pain and debilitating stress it's hard to leave behind something that has defined you for so many years for better or for worse. I can count all of the triumphs but know that I have had them. I can remember the close relationships, and cherish the transformative ones. That is what I hope to walk away with, and remember years from now. The ups and downs now are disproportionately down compared to the ones of yesterday. The sacrifice and distraction away from the important things will be easy to say goodbye to. The desire to get ahead and work on something other than what I really need to spend my time on--won't burden me any longer. The sordid politics will not turn my stomach another endless minute. I begin a journey new to me, and my family. A new town, a new career, a renewed lease on life. Life is temporary isn't it? Change and circumstance in which we are powerless to alter so much of our time here, yet blind to what we truly can do when we apply ourselves. We deserve our stake in our perpetually moving existence and fail to seize it. We have a responsibility to not only ourselves, and our family, we have an obligation to do what's right by them. You don't get to go down in flames by choice when you have kids that call your name every morning just for a moment of your time, and a calming embrace. You can't have your addictions, and not own up to what they are and what it will require of you to overcome them in the name of what is good and true. I am as average as anyone else, self-awareness usually doesn't come without tears and suffering. I walk away from my enlightenment not scarred but jaded. Not damaged, but cynical. Not despondent, but focused. It's all vacuous and inauthentic, yet we build our lives around it and fail to be honest that we are slaves to our own vanity. Victims to our own comforting and mindless routine… How do we walk away, head up, pride intact, self-aware… I am, and I do it in earnest. A new life with clear eyes. No regrets, no questions, no sentimentality, just lost days only now to be forgotten. So it begins… My journey to be written about here, not for sentimentality, instead for my understanding. A record of where I was, and where I want to go as an individual. Goodnight, and until tomorrow's first light.

2010-12-19T11:40:00.001-05:00

"The truth that doesn't bend, breaks."

"Bend to far, and you're already broken."

"Theres the street, the game, and what happened here today."

The Wire: My favorite television show…ever

So often television tries to shed the robe of cliché and transcend the entire genre. Endless, but not very deep are the annuls of television history. Despite that matter, I have struggled to "assign" what I consider to be the best of television. Not that the world is waiting with bated breath… I think I found a definite contender for number one. The Wire ended 2 years ago on HBO. "It's not television, It's HBO" the tagline for the network which has brought many other great shows such as The Sopranos and Deadwood has put out cinema quality shows now for years. The three aforementioned shows are all favorites of mine, and Wire being the best.

All three of the shows are character driven, and both Deadwood and The Sopranos have dominating lead characters. What makes The Wire great is the depth of characters both in numbers and in the quality. Series creators David Simon and Ed Burns took their real life experiences in the trenches and created a series so visceral that it demands your full attention. Leaving you with questions about how can this be true, and I bet that is true and a perverse curiosity of what it would be like to live "down in the hole". Simon was a reporter for the Baltimore Sun. Burns was a Baltimore homicide and drug cop for twenty years, then taught in the inner-city schools prior to working with Simon on The Wire. A lifetime of experiences can be quite the muse. These two men have put together one whopping story, and then took that story and invested in its characters like no other television show has in my opinion.

Although many of the characters are described by the creators as being "inspired by" they affirm that it is a work of fiction. The genius of the show is that it takes a story line, a dubious cast of characters, and makes you care for them. Even the drug king-pins and murderers have a connection with the story in which it is hard to assign villain or hero. Shades of grey pervade the show at every angle. Each show is so intricate, so nuanced, and every detail matters that it requires a commitment of the viewer to carry on unlike many other shows. It eschews red herring, and cliché in lieu of reality. Reality so unbelievable sometimes that it strains the credulity to believe that this … really happens. Each season has a payoff for the audience. Then they hit the reset button, shake everything up, and change the plot line. Each season exists within itself, but not ignorant to the others. In the end, all five seasons can be put together like a puzzle. The complexity of the show is what really stays with you after watching the entire story. It's not an obvious complexity, but one that you appreciate after time.

Many have called The Wire Shakespearian, and not only a great television achievement a "literary achievement". This acclaim is deserved, and seconded here. I can relate to those that have seen clips, or the cover of the box-set and think they are getting Boys n' the Hood. Season one, the closest to 'Hood speaks to the same plight of growing up in this environment yet offers so much more. Those movies that romanticize the "Gangsta" lifestyle, offer just that and very little substance. Where 'Hood waxed poetic on brotherhood, Wire is poetically true to the streets and that same brotherhood. A relationship that comes with a heavy price. Proof that the term "thick as thieves" can mean more than those on the corner slanging, but can better be used to describe the politicians and the powers-that-be who we trust to protect and govern us. The show pulls no punches in regards to police and government corruption, union and organized crime collusion, the schools futile endeavor to educate the inner-city youth, and the media's affair with headlines and ad revenue.

The show doesn't get behind just one hero but the many that go to work every day and have to oppose these very forces. Some turn a blind eye to it and accept the bleak circumstances that are portrayed so realistically here. Then there's the teacher that reaches into his own pockets. The newspaper editor that says something doesn't seem right here. The cop that says when people are dying, policy doesn't matter. The stories of the unsung rebels that are truly heroic.

I highly recommend The Wire. I spotted this on my desktop when I sat down to write a little about a new show called The Walking Dead. I can say even today, that I yearn for the time to sit down and reexamine The Wire. The last episode goes down as one of the greatest ending chapters to any store told. Not gaudy and overcooked like so much television. Pitch perfect and reverent to the characters and the city that made the show what it is and always will be--a snapshot of a time and place that will always exist if we choose to ignore it. An exposé on society and a forgotten world right under our noses, and all around us. A thank-you to those that have the duty to enforce the laws that insulate us from the atrocities that happen every day, right under our nose. Especially the true heroes that stick their necks out in order to make sure justice is served even though the forces against them seem unstoppable.

Ill end on a quote, just like I started this piece with and just like each episode of The Wire started.

"Thin line between Heaven and here." Bubbles

Revelations in Parenting

2010-09-14T00:36:00.000-04:00

While shopping the other day I observed a kid, probably five years old or so, running through the aisles and knocking merchandise from the shelves. I thought to myself, What the hell… The parent yelled at the kid, and told him to “Wait until we get home!” Leaving me to wonder, what that entailed.
See this is where it starts. It’s not society as a whole. It’s not the schools. It’s not the music or the television. If you subscribe to any of that, you are wrong. In many cases, it can’t help-- I’ll give you that, but it’s not the source. It’s parenting. It’s the deterioration of what parenthood has become in modern times. Parenthood is not just the result of sex, it’s much more than that. It’s a complete change in the direction of your life; it’s no longer about you it’s about them. It’s about the acceptance in a paradigm shift.
I’ve only been a parent now for a little over 3 years, and in many cases that doesn’t qualify someone as a professional. It does, however, represent experience. Whether or not you agree with that being enough to speak on the matter, I’ll leave that up to you. One thing for sure, I’m far from being the perfect parent. That’s another diatribe for another day. So often we get caught up in the now and lose sight of the later. I had to learn, like so many, that I am now an enabler for good or bad. For better, and for worse. . .
It’s so often kids are slapped, or spanked for speaking out of line or misbehaving or otherwise being a kid. We are teaching, and they are learning. Lesson: violence is the answer. When you’re frustrated it’s okay to hit. If you don’t have an answer, use your physicality.
Some parents drag their children out to see late night movies, or unacceptably violent films. The other day I went to see a “Grindhouse” inspired film Machete, where in the first five minutes of the film there are multiple decapitations, and an abundance of gore. The theater I was in had many children watching, observing, and absorbing this story about a Mexican policeman turned vigilante. Lesson learned, there isn’t a difference between what a child should see and an adult. No distinction between the cold and vicious world, and the innocence of a child. (Again, the movie is not why I mentioned this—it’s the parental choice being made to allow their children to watch it.)
I know, how dare me judge other parents. But when you make a decision some well thought out, and others perfunctory in nature-- you are authoring a narrative that your children live in. In every story the experiences both momentary and profound have resonance with the characters. Every decision, or action—lessons learned. It’s been said, parenting is an experiment in folly. I’m a strongly against spanking my children, yet the other night I caught myself put a little whooping on my son’s posterior for doing something repeatedly after being admonished. I had to collect myself, not in temperament but in recognition of the fact that I did what I did. Even though, the spanking was mild in nature, it was unequivocally physical. Afterward, I was able to assert my control of the situation, and maintain my stance even though I lost my senses for a split second. I learned from that very moment.
This is not a declaration of what is right, or what is wrong. It is however a recognition, or better yet a revelation that I have had about myself. One that I hope more parents would have before it is too late. The human mind is highly complex, and the child’s psyche can be delicate and frail. Do not take your actions lightly. When your kid is bad, and tearing up the store or just being downright ornery. Don’t accept that, and promise them something if they improve their behavior. Improve, is that what’s okay these days? Think about it, so often we wonder why criminals keep falling back into the same behaviors. Why in relationships we seem so willing to accept abuse? Why so many kids drop out of school? Or engage in reckless behavior. . .
It’s not supernatural. It’s the patterns so intricate and woven into their very being. Where behavior is only relevant in the future and discipline is only delved out at our convenience. The back of the hand is easier in lieu of a conversation. Kids are told to “shut-up” and are better pacified with candy or video-games so we don’t inconvenience our lives.
It’s been said, that in parenting you should just “do your best”. True. I agree wholeheartedly and personally subscribe to that. I only contend that some parent’s version of “best” is not acceptable. It’s a gesture to make them feel better about being selfish and shortsighted. Parenting is selfless, and quite often inconvenient. I believe despite all of that, it’s tremendously rewarding. Some children make it out just fine, others don’t. That’s a question better phrased as nature versus nurture. The fact that the argument has never been put to rest, that I know of, is a testament to the very complexity of parenting. I can’t imagine that the lazy, feckless, shiftless youth of today are the result of a reverse Darwinism. That we are destined to become, like characterized in the little seen film by Mike Judge Idiocracy, a society of imbeciles.
Let’s just hope that isn’t true. Then, if x doesn’t equal y, then what does x equal? How do we overcome this rot? Where do we go from here? Bad parenting isn’t illegal as long as it’s not neglect.
As a gardener fertilizes his land, nourishes his crop, we control the ultimate demise of a generation. Or the prosperity mankind. The task is arduous. We must stay the course, and try to get better every day. I hope to give my daughter the fairytale, and my son the dream. These are the hopes of all fathers, and I pray that I can provide for them the opportunity for greatness.

Certitude

2010-08-04T22:55:00.001-04:00

I feel like I've stumbled upon some great truth. The world is really backwards. But that's not it. If we operate under a philosophy of live and let live, or give and keep giving we will crumble as a people. The American government is out of control, and everyday there is some variation of a policy that weakens our union and deteriorates our freedoms. We are under attack, by people that speak nicely and hide the truth in nice words.

The government is a parasite on businesses and profits. It's not like British Petroleum wouldn't have cleaned up the spill. Yet, the president stands there pointing his finger and looking pensive. What experience does he have in cleaning up oil spills? If BP didn't clean it up, we would just stop buying their product. Case closed. . . Problem solved. . .

The people that don't have healthcare made choices that got them to the point where they are desperate. They took jobs that didn't guarantee it, and they didn't manage their lives accordingly. The government is getting their corrupt and sticky fingers all over my choices. What's next, once they've killed off all private healthcare providers and we grow dependent—are they going to tell me whether I can have that operation? Can my kid have that procedure? What party did you vote for, oh. . . well in that case we can't appropriate those funds.

Now government is telling the states that you can't have laws that protect your own sovereignty protected by the constitution. That you have to allow our constituents, gays and minorities, to become citizens, pray on your families, and live lawless as our neighbors. Oh yeah, and you have to be taxed to provide them healthcare and food on the table.

Are you F$@#% kidding me? I'm losing my mind. The world is in a tailspin. I have to believe that it will get better, but I'm at my own personal brink. That complete and utter nonsense at the beginning is the drivel I hear all day. Taxes, they are going to take all of my hard earned money. Deficits are out of control and they can't have my money--take it from the programs. Wait, there are no jobs and the government is sitting around waiting while we suffer. Hold on for a damn minute, we don't want your stinking government jobs they steal from the honest entrepreneurs and CEOs give them lower tax rates, and they will provide us great high paying jobs. No more taxes! Hey wait a minute, why doesn't government get involved with that? We need to invest in infrastructure. Crime is up, why don't those people just find God and turn their lives around? He raped somebody, why don't they lock him up forever? Why don't they just kill him, he is a drain on society? I don't want my kid going to that school. I don't want my kid going to public school.

Individuals in certain media outlets, and political positions of power want us to believe that it's Yes or No. That the world is just that simple, you are or you aren't. They operate under clichés and stereotypes (both sides).

Logic leads one to believe if you take a straight edged supply-side economics approach that it is a self-sustaining system, then the final frontier is an environment where the consumer wins out right? What history has shown, and if you allow the ideas to play out in your mind—profit is God. How do we cut cost, and make more profit? Steal market-share, kill the competition. Buy the competition. Eliminate the competition. Fix the price. Set the price. Supply and demand. . . Create demand, eliminate options, and sit on your pile of money. Make love to your money.

Why not allow the weak, the bottom feeders to self-select? Stop paying for their drugs, and healthcare. Survival of the fittest right? No that's Darwinian, and that would be like Hitler and against God. We as a human race fight for survival. I agree that there should be limitations, but that is a moderate approach. We aren't allowed to think in moderation. We are or we aren't.

That is the crux of the issue. The thought police aren't the issue, it's the though purveyors that are guilty. There isn't a fair and even ground anymore. Just the right and left. The patriotic and the seditious. The saved and the satanic. We have simplified the most complex and evolved species the earth has ever seen to single cell organisms. What we are playing is a dangerous game of semantics. The extremist are on the brink, the brink of victory.

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible."

Albert Einstein

I left my heart on Edisto Island-Ryan Family Vacation 2010

2010-07-19T00:56:00.001-04:00

Every year my mother's family, the Ryan's (my namesake), gets together for a week of laughs, abundant food, and memories. This year was no better than the many that preceded it, yet special in so many ways. The location was Edisto Island a small resort about 60 miles from Charleston, SC. All of us, from our various locales descended on Edisto this year with weary eyes from our travels, yet anxious optimism about the days to come.

I was personally excited to spend a week with my kids, and wife who I see in passing throughout the week and sometimes a glimpse on many a sleepless night at home. Despite the love we have for each other, we lose sight of it in the haze of our "routines", those monotonous patterns that fill our lives. This chance to get away brings on the stress of actually spending time with those that we "love" both our respective "immediate" and extended family. The long road-trip becomes a great opportunity for that conversation that your wife's been meaning to have. The calm balance that has been established amongst siblings over the past few months or days in some cases, is thrust to the brink of tenability. The emotions that sustain our relationships are sometimes given the stage. The chance to be with people that are a part of our lives, even if not in the day to day, is a nice diversion for us despite the possibility of spill over.

The vacation, or family reunion if I may, is a celebration of family. We have certain that we have come to expect, and look forward to. We usually spend a lot of time on the water. Time not spent on the water is comprised of many different activities whether it's local sightseeing or partaking in some putt-putt golf. Each day is typically lazy for the most part, and the nights are much livelier. We gather to talk about the day's activities, and marvel over how fast it all goes by.

As the tradition now stands, each family prepares a dinner on a chosen night. Some of the families seize the opportunity as a chance to best the other families offering of food. Others just want to be acceptable to the Ryan family's advanced palette. I'm of the latter. . . And in regards to palette, I'll never meet the expectation for spicy! So my uncle always brings his buffet of hot-sauces. Each night is special, and something each of us looks forward to. I consider the food to be as important as if a family decided not to come. That's how good we Ryan's cook. This year the highs were the lasagna, banana foster, fruit trifle, the roast beef, and the spaghetti is always a favorite. After dinner we usually sit around, engorged, drinking, and talking the night away.

This year we went to historic Charleston for our sightseeing excursion. It was a hot and humid day. We ducked into many shops and restaurants just to cool down. Once again, to step out into the Charleston air that felt like warm bath water.

Charleston itself is rich in history, and architectural diversity. A stroll down Broad or Market Street is a three dimensional lesson on early American civilization, and design. The town has its commercial and retail districts that liven up the streets day and night transporting us into an almost metropolitan, uptown feel. The style of the citizens was distinct, yet surprising to us since we were miserable in our shorts and flip-flops. The restaurant district is full of great southern delicacy such as fried chick, greens, cornbread, and macaroni and cheese. Not the boxed kind the kids swear to. The kind that melts, as you eat it, and explodes with a variety of cheese flavors. The kind so good "It'll make you slap your mama", a good friend of mine once said, and is well applied here. We ate at a restaurant called Huger's, pronounced like the band Fugees. From outside the building it doesn't look like much, but once you enter you are transported into a cool, dry place that has warmth in both food and character. The walls are painted with pictures of jazz musicians and historical photographs. The wait staff, and bartender were very welcoming and really appreciated the business. Oh yeah, and the food . . . it was perfect. I wish they could come and prepare a dinner for us, I would kindly let them pick any night. Hell, they can have my family's night.

The time in between the eating is pretty lazy, as any vacation should be. We hang by the pool, marinating in the chlorine. The majority of the Ryan family is pale white and the perfect canvas for the sun to paint upon. Many of us come home with different variations of a farmer's tan, or spots on our backs from where we didn't re-apply. It's an unofficial hobby of the Florida natives of the family to point out our ruddy coloring. In some instances, my uncles like to point it out with a playful slap. If I didn't come home each year with a burn in some amorphous shape on my belly, or red shoulder pads I wouldn't feel complete.

Each year our bellies get bigger, and our memories grow richer. Sometimes those memories are of the awkward kind when the family's feud, or quarrel. The beauty of my family is that we accept each other. There are rivalries, and sometimes we bust each other's chops but there is a palpable love. We accept each other-- at least I've always felt that way. What has been really amusing is to see the maturity of the younger generation, as I am sure it was just as entertaining for my aunts and uncles to see me grow up. To me there is a maturation of perspective also, to see the world as an adult now looking down at the college kids really starting to see the value of family for the first time. Not that they didn't before, but to really be aware of the relationships that are there for them even though we are separated by miles and days each year. It's fun to see how much taller my cousins are, and how much more they look like their parents. It's really moving to see them interact with my children who don't really know what this is all about, and how it all started. They don't even know my Granddad who I loved so much, yet didn't really understand his love when he passed. I was too young, and void of real perspective. I miss his song he sang to me each year, "Ryan is a Friend of mine. He ____ _____all the time…" (Fill in the blank with whatever verb and action I am doing). Although, not obvious in expression it was his way of saying how happy he was to see me. I am saddened to know that my son and daughter will never have this moment. One that is precious to me, and vivid in my mind's eye. Here's to hope that they will have something special to them in their lifetime that reminds them of their family.

We have been bestowed this annual gift from my grandparents. My Granddad Okey Ryan and my Grandmother Jo Ann Ryan, they've encouraged the attendance of this event by all the families since its origination. Not all of us have been able to come every year, but to miss it leaves a void in our lives. My Granddad has long been gone from the earthly world. Although I am certain, he is there with us. I can just picture him sitting down, back in his celestial chair, watching the baseball game on mute as he listens to all of us laugh.

It is my desire, that long after many of us pass, our children will continue this reunion as a way of celebrating our family. Taking time to remember the trips tubing down the river, the rivalry on the miniature golf courses, the tummy aches, the lost keys, forgotten bathing suits, hot sauces, flatulence, and Granddad's song. I miss all of you already. Until next year.

How about Inception?

2010-07-18T23:33:00.000-04:00

Christopher Nolan has outdone himself, once again. He has created another modern science-fiction masterpiece with Inception. He has made me all but forget about M. Night Shyamalan who I really admired for many years. Nolan, has become the man to turn to for authentic comic translations. In the interstice between the Batmans he wrote and directed the magical The Prestige. Inception is the best of all his films in regards to story and originality.
He, and his brother Johnathan Nolan have created some of the most intriguing stories to have graced the silver-screen in decades. Christopher, who penned Inception on his own, has proven to be a veritable cornucopia of creativity. His films are profound, cerebral, and visually euphoric. His embrace of new technology, yet discipline of not over-relying on it is remarkable. It has garnered him the admiration of a fan-base loyal to his old-Hollywood style, and genuine story telling. His stories are rich with character, and his plots have a depth that is unrivaled by his contemporaries. His last four films Batman Begins, The Prestige, The Dark Knight, and now Inception have all been critically raved. Each impressing, and instilling confidence in the industry’s ability to deliver both thoughtful, and not or, visually stimulating movies.
In Inception he has drawn comparisons to the first Matrix, in its strong ties to philosophy and the ability of the mind to both blind and amaze us. Yet I aver that Inception is a better story, and a monumental achievement in both tale and aesthetic. The use of relationships, even in small instances and fleeting moments ground his epic tales in reality. The use of hue in his cinematography and accompanying music create moments like we see in our imagination, not like a plain photograph. They are warm with emotion. He made us care for Bruce Wayne, and understand the Joker in Dark Knight. In Inception, he does the same for the mysterious protagonist Cobb played by Leonardo DiCaprio with his pursuit to reunite his family. In all of his films, he has reoccurring actors return to play different roles much like the characters in the film create dream worlds. In the film there are the oft used term projections, the inhabitants of our dreams. These actors serve as his projections, in the very same way.
As far as the action sequences Nolan presents them in wide shots, and with IMAX film which really captures the moment better than real life. I personally love that Nolan probably gets sick on his stomach when he hears the phrase, “in 3D”. His use of IMAX technology is unprecedented in major motion pictures, and he does it to communicate an eminence not ostentation such as 3D. His belief in the reverence of images versus some contrived sensationalism is to be admired by all.
The movie is long, and a two-hour plus investment so beware if you are not willing to be involved in an experience versus just watching a movie. In that case go watch The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Inception is not for the intellectually lazy. It demands your attention, but rewards you ten times over. It leaves you thinking . . . dare I say dreaming. Nolan is truly the cleverest auteur in the business, and I bow down in genuflection.

To Write

2010-05-19T01:18:00.002-04:00

The steady percussion of the rain mellows me. The enveloping darkness of the room draws me to the glow of the screen. The keyboard taunts me like a snot-nosed kid with his tongue out, and his thumbs in his ears—shaking his hands at me. I have this need to let it all out but I can't control it. At best, I can ride it like a wild horse never to be tamed. In some instances I feel pain to let it out, but most of the time it's an urge not unlike passion for a lover. I don't know what to do but let the words exist, and see what happens.

"The Pages are still blank but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible." Vladimir Nabokov

The Peppers Gamble

2010-04-08T20:16:00.000-04:00

The unremarkable chapter of Julius Peppers career comes to an end in Carolina. He came in with huge expectations. Probably the most athletically gifted player on the team his entire career. He failed to truly deliver on those gifts. He was to the defensive line, what Michael Vick was to quarterbacking. He was faster than most running backs. He was larger than any skilled player, but as big and powerful as the linemen. He has been blessed with good health for the majority of his professional career, yet has faded away in many games as if he were injured
It’s a shame that Chicago paid him so much to join their team. Mediocrity shouldn’t be rewarded anything, and definitely not millions of dollars a year.
I get the risky move by Chicago. Teams have made similar moves in the past in hopes of improving their teams. According to what’s on paper, Peppers looks like a safe bet. Not unlike the same move the Panthers made when they drafted him with a reputation for disappearing in big games. The fans will be woefully disappointed. It comes down to heart. He lacks the ferociousness needed to be a great defensive player. Especially on the defensive line where it’s more about tenacity than anything else. He doesn’t come across as a mental giant, just a gentle one. So it won’t be his strategy and mental agility that will give him the edge. He has only one thing to rely on, and that’s his athletic gifts. So if the right coach, can find the model of motivation to ignite the passion in this million-dollar baby, then the bet will pay off. My bet is that he will rise and fall, just like he has done before. I do wish him the best of luck.

My Sh$@$ F$@$%! Up

2010-02-24T04:26:00.001-05:00

As the forces for and against healthcare come to a head Thursday I wanted to mention a few things that have haunted me the past few weeks.
I believe that the conversation has become a yelling match built on lies, mistruths, misinformation, and red herring. The centerpiece of the president’s agenda has been healthcare insurance reform. That much is clear. It was muffed from the start, and became a target for opponents of the president to attach all of the criticisms and frustration with government to a bill that shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone. The only things the president has said he would do and hasn’t are left-centered issues like Guantanamo, war-criminal trials, and the mass exodus of lobbyist from DC, etc. Health Insurance reform was not a flip-flop issue, and the president didn’t engage in smoke and mirrors to sneak it in.
In the coming years political science classes will study this time in history, and in particular how an administration who so masterfully executed a campaign strategy that resulted in the White House could stumble through something so important to the success of their boss. Granted, Barack Obama didn’t take office with any delusions of harmony in congress and serenity in the senate. He has had to traverse a mine field and has had to do this under unprecedented bickering and partisanship from almost everyone in Washington. He has handled this, for the most part, with grace under fire. Far from a flawless first year, he has been as- billed with his trademark composure.
The editorial portion of News’ Corp’s Fox News broadcasts (some would argue all of it), and the many conservative talk radio hosts have done what Rush Limbaugh has called for, as artfully as the Obama team was able to raise money leading into the election. They took all of the discontent with government and the economy and made it his doing. They have swayed public sentiment against one of the most popular incoming presidents ever, and tagged the Bush Administration’s TARP and bank bailout to the presidents resume’. Yes, he did vote for it as a senator—as did many of his republican peers and his presidential competitor John McCain did in 2008. Now it’s his, and they were against it. So any policy change dealing with economic reform other than tax cuts, amongst the bailouts of private-sector entities such as General Motors and Chrysler has become un-American and a political hand grenade. He has become the furor, naturally. They forget that they were for the bank bailouts (socialism). The depth of the recession now and what it could’ve been are unclear to most of us and too complex to wade through the muddy water of disparate opinions to provide us any real understanding now or maybe ever. What most knew at the time was action was needed, and inaction would have been unacceptable. Conservatives ac t as if the American economy and the sacred cow of capitalism would self-select the weak and we would’ve come out stronger if we just had given far-reaching tax cuts to save the big companies that exploited the American consumer for too long. Barack got what he wanted, and now it’s his in success or failure. I’m sure behind closed doors many conservatives are thanking their luck stars that John McCain didn’t win. To be president now seems like a fool’s errand and futile endeavor. I’m no genius or intellectual heavy weight. But I’ve always been pretty good at sniffing out bullshit. I don’t have a credo or rule-of-thumb like “follow-the-money” to rely on or employ in most cases, however, it is instinctual. It doesn’t take a psychologist to know that those in power want it, and will do what it takes to get it. Those in power will do the same to preserve it. If the Obama administration doesn’t get healthcare, they will fail at the very cornerstone of the president’s agenda. Potentially being as devastating as a loss in Iraq would’ve been for George W Bush. Or as South Carolina senator Jim Demint said, “If we’re able to stop Obama on this it will be his Waterloo. It will break him.”
One of the statistics most commonly quoted by left wing pundits such as Keith Olbermann, and Alan Colmes is that individually the components of the healthcare bill are overwhelmingly favorable to the American voters. So if you pay that any credence (which by default half of you won’t) it goes to show that it’s the ineptitude of the Democratic leadership, and that’s Obama because of his hands-off approach all last year other than being a outspoken proponent, has been remiss and incompetent in outlining it to the public. They have become huge targets for criticism on the size of the bill, and have fed into the anti-government sentiment by many Americans about elitist and self-centered representation in Washington. The rightwing echo chamber has been ruthless in creating disinformation and fear around aspects of the bill and what ifs. They have taken a president’s hope to bring healthcare to more Americans and reduce the deficit as a socialist ideologues conspiracy to take healthcare from old people and give it to the homeless and illegal immigrants. No matter how clearly stated, and underlined by the president there is nothing he can do to sway many Americans that he is not the ant-Christ and a communist Manchurian candidate. And Rush Limbaugh and his peers love it. Mission Accomplished.
If he fails in getting this passed-we all will lose. I’m not for a massive public option right now. I’m fearful not because I believe that it is the beginning of rationing and “socialized/third-world medicine”. I’m more concerned about the deficit and stabilizing of the economy both in markets such as real-estate, and lending and job creation. I hope that cooler heads can prevail, and the true ideologue’s voices will be drowned out by the rational thinkers in congress. We need policy to remove the clause that discriminates and exploits those that have pre-existing conditions or cataclysmic traumas that bankrupt Americans. American misfortunes and accidents shouldn’t become business opportunities. The real death-panels, the arm of the insurance companies that deny coverage and have quotas to make by looking for mistakes and red flags in the medical histories are un-American. The illegal immigrants that are exploited by businesses and corporate America draw them in, and deny them the rights given to their other employees because they are cheaper and compromised, and force them to go to the emergency rooms for primary care. The inflated expense of healthcare in America is the very origin of any trial or expensive lawsuit supposedly devastating healthcare costs for all of the rest of us, if healthcare was available to all of us wouldn’t that mitigate the problem to just wrongful/or negligence trials which we should have the option to do if the corporations don’t run their businesses safely for their workers or malpractice?
These egregious cracks in our system are what need to be addressed. It shouldn’t be a political issue like so many other more controversial topics. But it has become a huge, slobbery, gelatinous spitball so far from the gravity of reality it seems impossible to reel it back in and affect positive change for all Americans. Somehow healthcare for all Americans has become less noble of a cause as war for oil, or tax cuts. Then it becomes something else altogether, alter the conversation beyond recognition. To evade the question, is it patriotic to let an innocent American bleed? Or an innocent human being bleed for that matter? Should healthcare only be made available to those that work full-time, or have wealthy parents? This question gets answered everyday no matter how we answer it in hypothetical land. Hopefully, we never will have to answer it for ourselves.

“Well, I went to the doctor
I said, "i'm feeling kind of rough..."
"Let me break it to you son,
you're shit's fucked up!"
I said, "My shit's fucked up?!
Well, I don't see how!"
He said, "The shit that used to work,
won't work now!"
Warren Zevon

It’s Easier to See what everyone else sees

2010-01-15T11:27:00.001-05:00

Life isn't simple. When you're a toddler maybe, but that's where it stops. They're so many questions with so little answers. Yet people speak in absolutes. They use faith, or God's will to answer the questions that have no answer, or a discernable one that is.

It makes me wonder where people attribute this philosophy of rigidity towards other ideas. Then instead of discuss root-causes the conversation is derailed and engaged in hypothetical's and ad hominem attacks versus substantive debate. Take the political conversation around healthcare reform. The opponents are trying to keep the proponents juggling as many balls (no matter how absurd) as possible versus progressing towards a goal. No matter what happens, if the American people win or lose in this debate, the reformers will be crucified for either what they legislated or what they were unable to legislate.

Ideological meandering hinders so much of what makes real sense for people. For instance, sex education in the schools and the supplying of birth control. It is the parent's responsibility, but parents are failing miserably. So why exacerbate teenage pregnancy and rampant sexually transmitted diseases, and abortion rates with hope for the better? The world is more dangerous than it was in the 50's.

The one that really baffles me is the idea that man is so selfless that he will take profit and divvy it up to the ones that he profited on or with. A nice ideal to be uphold, yet, it essentially is turning American capitalism into a giant pyramid scheme. . One that has clearly been disproved since the dawn of time. Once it was decided by the powers-that-be that the restraints should be taken off companies, and they should be allowed to move labor and exploit poorer countries to turn larger margins. The American blue collar worker was put on the extinction list. Just the like the countries that are being exploited. What happens when there are no more consumers? Labor forces were relocated to jobs based on an American culture of excessive consumerism which was unsustainable from the beginning. Blue-collar families held on to their proud work ethic, and either eschewed higher education or didn't have the means to get there. This subsequently, caused the spawning of children that have grown up in a trade right after potty training until it was no longer available. These proud, "All American" families are unable to navigate the 21^st century when the housing market has dried up and the shopping centers become ghost towns. They were encouraged to buy, buy, buy even when they didn't have it—just to keep up with the Joneses. Yet the top-earners in this country become the patron saints of the American economy, the ones that lived the American dream—why should they be penalized? I guess it's how you look at it. . . To save the American economy is to reinvest in America, whether by charitable donation or by paying a larger tax. Education, health care, affordable living, and safer streets are a noble bill to pay. It's not about something for nothing, it's about patriotism. Despite what's being said, it's not the first step in a journey toward communism. It's the first step in rebuilding this country.

There will always be those that take advantage, and look for the path of least resistance. It's survival instinct whether at its earliest stage or final. They will make choices that are detrimental to their being, that are shortsighted. What keeps them going is hope. They believe that one day one of those lottery tickets will pay off. They find happiness in the small things. The Fat Cats at the top encouraged this superfluous accumulation of things unneeded. Yeah, people should take responsibility of their choices. The greed at the bottom is no worse than the greed at the top, and less egregious.

The American way was not meant to be one of welfare nor was it meant to be everyone for themselves. History has proven that we can't live in a modern day Babylon where money has become the ultimate pleasure. That's plain un-American

The Ballad of Jake and Foxxy

2010-01-07T22:45:00.001-05:00

This time last year the Carolina Panthers entered the post season with all the hope in the world. They had one of the best records in the league. One of the most potent running attacks in the game. With little or no debate, the best receiver in the game-- Steve Smith. The team also had a vaunted defense with a rising star at linebacker John Beason and an All-Pro defensive-end Julius "the Big Lazy" Peppers who was surrounded by a decent supporting cast. It felt good to be a fan. For most fans that season felt as good as any of their previous seasons, at least at this point. It felt like we had a decent chance to win it all.

Then the bottom fell out. Their once "swashbuckling" quarterback Jake Delhomme had cruised through the season of weak opponents, and behind his dynamic backfield teammates. He had won over the fans with his devil-may-care attitude, and ability to make the big play throwing off the back of his feet in the most uncomfortable of situations. In their Super Bowl run in 2003 he threw so many cringe-worthy heaves that were miraculously caught he had garnered the support of the Panther nation, and won over many doubters as the clear-cut leader of the then "Cardiac Cats".

Back to the whole bottom fell out, Jake's niche and calling card soon became the Panther's Achilles' Heel. His cringe-worthy passes gravitated down from the heavens, eschewed any miracle, and landed usually in the hands of the other team's player. Jake hadn't returned to form, a form that was in question by many before his injury and subsequent elbow surgery, since in my opinion 2003. His style was reckless from the beginning. He was Brett Favre, minus the arm. Jake was the fun loving, team-oriented, "character" guy. One that happened into a situation where he was surrounded by some of the league's best talent, and by an organization in which the leadership was loyal—to a fault. That season crumbled before our eyes in a game where the Panthers were favored to win by more than one touchdown. It was hard to watch. Then the Panther's Head Coach John Fox decided to let Jake destroy his confidence and his team's confidence play after play as the clock wound down. If it was a prize fight, the referee would have called it early in the third quarter.

The Panthers had suffered a devastating loss to the Arizona Cardinals, who went on to lose the Superbowl to the New York Giants. They moped into the locker room that night, and stumbled into the offseason with a lot of big questions to answer. One of which, do we still feel confident in Jake as our quarterback? The entire team, from the top to the bottom, came out rank and file to say yes. It wasn't recommended they cut the guy, but what happened next abandons all logic and reason. They re-signed him to a long-term contract with over twenty-million in guaranteed money. A clear, unambiguous YES. They were putting the proverbial eggs into the singular basket. John Fox and the general manager Marty Hurney hooked their caboose to the Delhomme express, destination of pass-unknown, and did it unabashedly.

Amongst other key questions, to sign or not-to-sign Julius Peppers? The panthers played it safe and signed him to a one-year "Franchise" agreement. A salary-cap- gorging annual salary that taps any latitude the team hoped to have entering the off-season and draft to sign other talent. The strategy was pretty much stay- the- course, with the exception of a change of Defensive-Coordinator to Ron Meeks of the Indianapolis Colts when his predecessor stepped down. Status-quo it was, and the hopes of another Divisional Championship.

Here we are, the NFL playoffs. With one exception to last year, no Carolina Panthers. The naysayers were right, and not to the greater good. The season looked to be the last for John Fox, and rumors swirled of a change in leadership. He was resolved not to change horse midstream despite a losing record, until fate stepped in and he had to. Jake got hurt, and was able to bow out gracefully on what was the worst season he had ever had in a NFL uniform. The one guy that everyone wanted to see get a shot, the man that stepped in and played admirably for Jake two season ago sat quietly at the end of the bench. He was without guile or agenda, he stepped in when asked. The team salvaged an eight and eight season with wins in their last few games. The one man that Fox didn't have the confidence in became his saving grace. Matt Moore saved John Fox's panther career and saved the organization's face with a .500 record.

Now the Panthers are at a similar juncture, with some similar questions to answer. Beyond the blunder of resigning Jake to the monster contract last year, the team is able to free up a lot of salary cap space by changing the answers from last season. As Bank-of-America stadium sits quietly in repose, the fans demand action. Even though there are questions surrounding John Fox's destiny with the team it doesn't seem that he will be leaving with his fateful late season turnaround. Peppers grievances from last year are going to be the same because nothing has changed. He is coming off a dubious pro-bowl nomination from a lackluster year, but with that comes leverage. To "franchise" him again would place the panthers in even worse salary-cap territory. They have some younger, more productive players to address now before it gets too late and they lose them like they have done in the past. They have some older players that are going to want to get a ring while they still have a chance and can contribute, that are going to get anxious especially without a strategy change. They have a young quarterback that has an agent foaming at his mouth and anxious to renegotiate his deal after his late season heroics. All of this is going to unfold in front of us, while great coaches that are available are signing elsewhere. Teams whom are still playing right now will have an opportunity to get better next season, and build on an already fruitful season. Meanwhile, here in Carolina, the panthers will attempt to repeat mediocrity in motion.

It's hard to be a Panthers fan. They have done a decent job of collecting talent over the years, in fact some great talent. But the ballad of Jake and Foxxy will go on until Richardson decides to break in and make a change. We, get to watch the playoffs and pull for another team without ardor and with indifference. Thanks for that, by the way—more reason to DVR-it.

"You can't see tomorrow with yesterday's eyes"

Ryan Adams

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Albert Einstein

"Jakes still our guy."

John Fox

Dexter Morgan, the most compelling character in television history

2010-01-05T01:51:00.001-05:00

Dexter Morgan is a serial killer. Some other truths; what goes up must come down, there is a grey area, and there is evil in the world. Dexter Morgan isn't evil.

Ernest Hemingway said, "All things truly wicked start from innocence." Dexter suffered a devastating tragedy as a young boy, one that has been seared into his memory or more so his entire being. Dexter was born like every other person, but his dark passenger--Dexter the serial killer, was born in blood.

The first time I heard about the show I didn't know what to think. The story seems almost grotesque in a way. I was intrigued to at least give it a chance. So I watched Season 1 On-demand. I have never been more hooked to a show then Dexter. I actually watched the entire first season in back-to- back sequence (the way to watch anything by the way). It was excruciating to watch season 2 and wait week to week. Each subsequent season has been a weekly trial in patience but it has reestablished Sunday night television for me since the departure of the Sopranos.

The story of Dexter is a complex, and a dark dreamscape seen through a hazy glow and muted fluorescents of Miami. Each episode is serenaded with lively, Latin rhythms. The Miami culture is as much a character as Dexter himself. There's a real sense of Cuban and Latin culture in the show, which makes it distinct from other Miami based shows. It seems more authentic. Dexter somehow fits in, he's as mundane as a passing palm tree, and as ordinary as a rain shower in the Florida afternoon. With that, we are under his spell, his plan. That is part of his modus operandi. His code. . . Never get caught. Stay in the shadows. Be patient. Don't risk it with a high profile kill. . . "Never . . . Ever. . . Kids. . . I have standards," Dexter said to a soon-to-be-victim. Satisfying the code is Dexter's sovereign oath. The code is what Dexter has lived by since he was a reborn. It was taught to him by his adopted father to endure. When he was a kid his foster father, Harry Morgan, discovered his son's eerie predilection. The neighborhood's pets were missing, and it didn't take long for detective Harry Morgan to solve the mystery. His love and knowledge of Dexter's tragic beginnings compelled him to find a way for Dexter to channel his urges in more productive ways. It started with wild game hunting. This expression would only last for so long, and Harry knows this. What was the next step?

Harry was able to look into the soul of a killer, one that he loved and raised like his own son. Harry's life in law enforcement had exposed him to injustices in which he was powerless to do anything. The solution wasn't obvious, but it became the next step. Dexter would finish what the stumbling and sometimes foolish court system couldn't. He became a vigilante of sorts. With the code guiding him, his murderer's intuition leading him to the right people, and his training supporting his so called hobby he became Dexter the Diabolical. Dexter the Devious. Dexter the Deviant.

We all cheer when we see the muscle bound hero, or the cunning action star blow away the bad guy. Why it is different to see them get cut up? It just is right? I don't know about you, but as the show goes I kind of wish there was a Dexter Morgan out there. In a culture where we all applaud the vigilantes and heroes, whether it's Dirty Harry or Batman, the only realistic hero would be the anti-hero—Dexter Morgan.

He endears us with his wit, and inner-narrative as he tells his side of the story. If he was caught there would be a firestorm of controversy about capital punishment, and eye-for-an-eye. Political fodder for the editorials. He would be a hero to many and a villain to the balance. That's what makes him such a compelling protagonist. The most innovative and complex lead in television history.

The show begins with a glimpse in the life of Dexter Morgan, forensics and blood specialist for the Miami-Dade Police Department. The show doesn't take long to introduce you to the Dark Passenger as he confronts a pedophile/and child murderer. I, like everyone, are disgusted by the very thought of children being assaulted and murdered. This first experience with the Dark Passenger for us, the killing of a child murderer, didn't make it seem so bad. Once you get past the ritualistic nature of the act, Dexter eases his way into your curiosity the same way he slides in and out of the homicide department without causing an ounce of suspicion. As the season goes on he is put through tests of character, emotion, and of the very code that defines him. Each shadowy corner lays profound drama that will grip you and not let go.

Subsequent seasons dive deeper into the peripheral characters. Like his girlfriend Rita, and her kids Cody and Astor. His foul-mouthed, sister Deb and the rest of his colleagues at the police department. Each one the relationship with Dexter evolves as the show goes on. He keeps them all at arm's-length, per the code, but the depth of the show and surprisingly to both us and Dexter himself is his own personal depth. As he learns more about himself, and his history he grows into his human skin leaving us to wonder if he will ever shed the dark passenger. That's the question that all of us fans ask, and draws us in every week.

As the story continues-- he will be challenged to violate the code. His father only saw one layer of Dexter, and didn't trust the other to be able to live in the real world without a rigid set of rules to protect him. While watching, you want to believe that he can be a husband and father. We hope that Harry, and initially Dexter is wrong about his depths. Yet, the very greatness of the show is that Harry has to be right. The deviations from the code are what expose him to the world, for who he really is—and the world is not ready for a "good" serial killer. We accept murder when it's in the name of God and country, but can we accept what Dexter does? The genius is that it stirs up all these emotions, and creates a visceral response in each of us that is a powerful exercise in introspection.

The show deals with the grey area that is so often rejected but exists. The truth of the matter is that we deal with grey every day with our own set of rules, and guidelines. Do we stray from the very codes that define us? Do we condemn those that do stray and characterize it as weakness? When we do is it just or is it in the name of pleasure or failure? Where Dexter's code is to endure as a serial killer. . . The moral grey in Dexter is a question and a topic that can be debated to we go grey in the face, but it doesn't prevent it from being entertaining.

"I See Monsters"

Ryan Adams

"Oh, people are shouting, people are freaking
I'm just staring at the ceiling
Waiting for the feeling
Oh, oh when she calls
I know that she's the one
Makes me want it harder
Makes me want to be a little stronger
Still I see the monsters
Still I see the monsters"

Suffering the Panthers

2009-12-04T23:30:00.002-05:00

I've been suffering the panthers for longer then I'd like. Argument acknowledged; that it is part of being a fan. For better or for worse. Look at the Raiders. . .

Steven Covey suggests that we shouldn't worry about what is outside our realm of influence. It's one of the 7 habits of Highly Effective People for Pete's sake! No wonder fans flock to the Yankees, and the Cowboys. An even more shameless phenomenon is the contingent of fans that hitch a ride on the bandwagon every year. You can expect an infusion of New Orleans Saints fans in the local sports bars, and Drew Bree's "9" jerseys in the halls of campuses around the country. I can't fault them, other than their lack of genuineness. It's all in good fun right?

Not in this country. Sports teams are like politics, your either right or wrong. It's sacrilege to hop from team to team, and just as shameful to be pulling for the "other guy". I love it. Growing up in the south for most of my formative years it was all about college basketball and Duke versus Carolina. There is downright hatred toward the other, and very little recognized respect.

In 1995, as a Pittsburgh Steelers fan I was confronted with a decision to make. A decision of whether to stay loyal to a team that had very little relevance to who I was other than an affinity for the way they play the game. The other choice was to become a Carolina Panther's fan. It seemed like the right thing to do, so I chose the latter. There were some overt signs that I was making the right decision, and like all fans I believed it was a direct message to yours truly (like I shouldn't have missed that game or I forgot my lucky hat). Dom Capers was to be the head coach, the former defensive coordinator of the Steelers. Jerry Richardson the owner of the Panther's franchise, also cited the Dan Rooney's Steelers as his inspiration for the Panthers organization. That's a lot of positive energy.

On the fateful day of September 3^rd, 1995 I was a through and blue Carolina Panthers fan! That day the Panthers played San Francisco and lost by 3 points. Not the desired result, but auspicious nonetheless. This team had something, and it was fun to watch. They played hard every game. Even when they lost they were showing flashes of brilliance. Coach Capers was an x's and o's guy who took notes on every play. He was stoic, and passionate when called upon. He had the southern grit, and the passion for winning that has defined this area for years. He was our guy. His team had tough-guys, and savvy veterans like Wesley Walls and Sam Mills. Players that were loved, and will always be remembered.

He quickly became the scapegoat for Richardson, and the organizations lackluster subsequent years. Enter George Seifert, a sure fire winner with a record to boot. That didn't go so well either. He didn't have the pathos or the mentality consistent with what was expected from a defensive team like the Panthers. In 2002 the Panthers signed John Fox for his first NFL Head-coaching job and fresh off a Super Bowl loss as a defensive coordinator with the New York Giants.

Fox was well liked, and his 2002 team finished 7-9 by playing harder and more fundamentally then many of their opponents. He started a veteran quarterback Rodney Peete who was respected for his leadership and experience. In 2003, he signed a second-stringer out of New Orleans the "Raging Cajun" Jake Dellhomme. The fans didn't have much of an opinion of Jake until his first series at quarterback in the second half of the Tampa Bay game. It was love at first sight. He had the grit, he had the fire, and he had us at hello. He was the right guy for the team, and so was John Fox. The teams dominating defensive line, and the offense finally had a backfield that could stretch the field and control the game. Now, was an exciting time to be a Panther's fan. The bandwagon was full and the team was quickly labeled the "Cardiac Cats" for their late game heroics.

Jake was popular because he made the big gambles and it usually paid off. He wasn't the best athlete, nor did he have the best arm. He had heart. In the south, that means something. We were loyal, and even shamelessly forgiving. This was the state of things over the next few years as the Panthers had a great season, then a mediocre season, then a good season, then a mediocre season, yada, yada. . . etc. etc. The vicissitudes of fandom can be gut-wrenching, but it comes with the condition.

It quickly became hard to be a Panthers fan. The team let some key free agents go. They failed to address a need to sign a good number two receiver, or a tight-end. The offense was never as effective without a power runner, and Foster never lived up to his number one billing. The great talent was withering away, and getting beat up. Julius Peppers, Mike Rucker, Kris Jenkins, Dan Morgan, Steve Smith, and Mushin Muhammad were not able to go on talent alone, the team lacked leadership. The organization failed to evolve with the times, and like any organization that fails to change with the times they failed to be effective with their strategy.

Like I said before, I've been suffering the Panthers for years now. Even after last year's NFC south dominating season I felt like we were on the brink of collapse. This season, we've collapsed. We still have dominating talent but lack the vision to compete in today's game. John Fox is still trying to win with a savvy veteran at quarterback, and a dominating defense. The problem is that experience should limit mistakes. This just isn't the case.

This ineptitude has fans screaming for heads and prematurely discussing rebuilding the franchise. The answer lies at the top. The fish rots from the head down. Fox and Marty Hurney have seen success, and like the way it tastes and feels. They just lack the edge, and creativity to sustain success with thirty-two smarter people competing for the very same thing. (the Raiders Al Davis notwithstanding)

"Coaches who can outline plays on a black board are a dime a dozen. The ones who win get inside their player and motivate. "
Vince Lombardi

"If you can accept losing, you can't win."

Vince Lombardi

2012 and how it made me feel. . .

2009-11-17T07:13:00.001-05:00

It only took Roland Emerich a little over 2 hours to destroy the world. Somehow I believe that it would take us minutes. We fecklessly throw around our earnest opinions while practicing indifference towards that of others. Distrust is our modus operandi. Faith is an undeniable and impervious to facts because it feels right. Facts and science are framed and can be framed as nothing more than an opinion. We hold onto our conscience and believe so hard what our heart is telling us, or what we think it's telling us that to confront the probability is to arduous a task nor a noble one in our eyes. Our ignorance is our solace because the very notion that something is unknown or unaccounted for is too terrifying for us to grasp.

Apocalyptic tales have always fascinated me, and in many cases affect me like no other film can. The world is full of so much hatred, Racism, bigotry, xenophobia, liberalism and conservatism, etc, yada yada. These have evolved into something more lethal then opposition or even rivalry. The debate is no longer a progressive dialogue. Most people have entrenched themselves philosophically. The conversation has spilled over into something laced with violent undertones. Greed is pandemic, and knows no one group better than the other. Then the nihilist and anarchists voice pervades our minds and seemingly become relevant.

Then futility is borne from the volatility. It has often been suggested, and historically proven that we are the most likely threats and contributors to our own demise.

Cormac Macarthy's the Road paints a bleak picture at the conclusion of these events. One of the most beautifully written, and haunting stories ever written. His story confronts reality more than the custom Hollywood fare. All of these stories hit too close to home for me when I really get to thinking about it.

Sadly, this genre is more fantasy then the horror films (that reflect the news) that have become so popular lately. In every story, and less effectively in many, the end-times narrative has a spirit of altruism that no other story can capture. The CGI driven theatrics may be the major draw, but the heroics of the characters are what moves me. The triumph of the human spirit despite the destruction of everything we deem as valuable by our checkbooks and attention. Humanity and character is something rarely celebrated and insufficiently exalted in the daily grind. These stories illustrate the grandeur of such selflessness. The real reverence of such an ultimate sacrifice.

2012 is as good as any film under a similar guise. I hope that we can avoid such catastrophe in our time or our children's. The world is fragile, but can humanity overcome such devastation when we hate each other so much? Is it only in the destruction of these lines that the divide between us is capable of being bridged? Or do I have it wrong and to be human is to hate--to self destruct? Are the nihilist right? When so much of religious teaching and American philosophy are based on understanding and acceptance how can we as individuals or community look at ourselves in the mirror?

These movies get to me and compel me to think--what will be our legacy? Too much time on our computers, and gaming systems? Have we preoccupied ourselves in pursuit of pleasure? Have we created a virtual Babylon? Do we feel better watching our opinion-of-comfort prevail without another perspective to challenge our very core understanding? All of this is true. That's the horror of it. Like moths to the flame we are impelled towards gratification. This behavior begs the question, is to be human—to be hopelessly drawn to pleasure? It's one of the core principles of evolution. Are we so different from animals?

That is why I am drawn to these stories. Because I am no better than the person next to me, nor do I claim to be. I do not live in a glass house. These stories are sometimes listed under science fiction. I guess I am proposing that I wish the heroics of humanity were a little less fictional. Then again it's only 7:07 in the morning and I'm probably delirious. Mad even. . .

Self-Pity begets Daddy Issues? I hope not.

2009-10-24T02:26:00.001-04:00

Being a father is something I take very seriously. Some find that hard to believe due to my late night proclivity to solitude or my afternoons sprawled out in one of the local movie theatres. I'm the Norm Peterson of the theatre. I even, question my actions on some occasions. Is this what a father should be doing? Not a question that I like to answer, or more importantly like the answer. Here I am at one in the morning writing a blog, after opening up a vein and contributing to my never-ending opus, after a nice date night with my lovely wife. Why am I still up?

There's so many days when my mind is in 5^th gear, and my body is in neutral. One learns ways of coping with these moments, and then one has to unlearn those same coping mechanisms as they mature. For some it's drugs or alcohol, others it's chasing skirt or other destructive behavior. I watch movies, or find a quiet place on Oak Hollow Lake and read a book. I disappear. . My life's pretty tame in comparison. So I guess that's why I've been okay with it. Either way, we have to discipline ourselves to let go of those childish things and suck it up, and be a man. We have to let go of what once provided us the very solace that balanced us growing up. Should I be buying tickets to see a movie a week instead of spending time with my daughter and son? I know the answer, and it's hard to justify the actions but I do. Please don't judge. I'm a self-aware monster.

It's funny when I tell people about the movies I've seen, or my afternoon plans. They seem to look at me like, is he married? I've even been asked, "How do you get away with that?" My best response, I do.

Late at night I walk into my children's room and give both of them a kiss. I listen to them breathe, and tell them that I love them. Then I walk into my refuge, behind the piles of books and bills and start writing. I harbor the fantasy that one day I could write a book in honor of them. "This book is dedicated to my beautiful and loving children." But would that make up for the absenteeism of a daddy? I don't even know why I would ask that question. I know the answer, yet I continue down this path.

Some nights when I don't have the head phones blasting Bob Dylan, and the fan turned way up I hear Aubrey call out for Mommy. It's touching, and warms my heart beyond anything I could imagine other than one thing. "Daddy", in which she says on a rare occasion. Sometimes, Liam looks at me and smiles, and eclipses anything else in the room. Moments like these are when I say to myself this is what I signed up for, and I'd do it again and again. Yet, I know this is the sacrifice. I reflect on the fact that I didn't have a father in my life until I was sixteen years-old. When I look at my life I see where I missed out on the formative encouragement of a father's love as a child. I had more than enough love from my mother, but it's something that can't be replaced. In many cases I believe that the lack of real father figures can be accounted for as one of the many ruinous effects on modern society. Everyone knows that America has "Daddy issues".

I guess I have some growing up to do. No matter what, my intentions are to be there for my children. Through thick and thin, and hell and high water, I think about them and their safety all day, every day. If I inherited anything from my father, it's his hyperactive anxiety in regards to things mostly out of my control. Despite the lunacy of scenarios that have been offered up to me by my him, I know that deep down inside his heart is in the right place.

Some fathers go out drinking after work, others smoke their brain cells into a haze, and others just don't come home. I'm not looking for a prize, just some understanding as I try to make my way through the world. Just a little less speculative opinion, and a little more sympathy for a man trying his best to balance the insanity of life's web of complexity. Maybe I write this as a way of purging my conscience? Perhaps it's a way of coming to terms with my selfishness? Or a release of guilt for being so self-sympathetic that I have to plug in to another world and unplug from my world as if it was a game of SIMS. Either way, I'm trying to be a grown up in a sophomoric world of hypocrisy, bloodlust, and sensationalism that's destroying mankind in spite of itself in the name of greed and entertainment. It's hard to be a man, much more a father, or a good father.

I look forward to the day when I can take them with me. Buy them an oversized drink, and some buttery popcorn. Find a quiet corner in the theatre. Sit back, and take it all in. Plug in, and unplug. Then again, am I contributing to a future problem? Maybe. . . All I know is that I love my family. My wife is an incredible mom and she does so much for me. She is an absolute saint when it comes to my escapist excursions. I have a lot of making up to do. . . And that's all I have to say about that.

"Daughter"

By London Wainwright III

Everything she sees
she says she wants.
Everything she wants
I see she gets.

That's my daughter in the water
everything she owns I bought her
Everything she owns.
That's my daughter in the water,
everything she knows I taught her.
Everything she knows.

Everything I say
she takes to heart.
Everything she takes
she takes apart.

That's my daughter in the water
every time she fell I caught her.
Every time she fell.
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost every time I fought her.
I lost every time.

Every time she blinks
she strikes somebody blind.
Everything she thinks
blows her tiny mind.
That's my daughter in the water,
who'd have ever thought her?
Who'd have ever thought?
That's my daughter in the water,
I lost everytime I fought her

Yea, I lost everytime

My Escape to Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-20T00:18:00.001-04:00

"There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen."

In the haze of what could only be described as stumbling to the bathroom after rolling out of bed, I couldn't shake the dream that I thought I had. To have experienced the book as a kid was to escape into a fantasy world, an award winning picture book, in which you were the king of monsters. To see through Spike Jonze eyes, is to see the world as a child once again. I awoke to a stark reality. That I was not dreaming. I was indeed in a theatre, captivated by the magic of Maurice Sendak's masterpiece Where the Wild Things Are on the silver screen.

The weight of the world can be incredible. The reality of the eternal nothingness. . . The Infinite Abyss. . . The dog-eat-dog status quo in which, when it matters, we are all out for ourselves. The feeling that no one can hear us, or that we even matter to anyone else. There is heartbreak, lies, and change. All of that begets the explosive anger in us, like a child we lose the ability to be rational. A delayed temper tantrum, that implodes onto the suburban-working class-post-adolescent version of us. The worst version of ourselves, in which adulthood encroaches on us, and we can no longer pound our fists and go kicking and screaming into our rooms. The all encompassing loneliness of being a kid misunderstood amplified by the complexity of inter-office posturing, and TPS reports. We all feel this way sometimes. Just like a kid, staring out the rain freckled window of our room hoping for the sun to come out and warm the pane.

As an adult, we can't afford to be beholden to our emotions. That's a misstatement, we are only human, however we can ill-afford to let them run wild as a kid. Growing up is filled of rights-of-passage, many regrets, and ill-conceived genuflecting to the dreams of children. In the book, and movie Max wants a return to normalcy, to be as it was. Changes in family that he can't understand overcome his ability to tame the beast within, and he runs away. This is more than your standard kid's film. Pixar and 3D would have cheapened the experience, and Sendak's illustrations. This film is a trip, in away. For those so inclined, I would imagine that this would be fun on acid. For me, that's an imaginative leap, and those I am predisposed to. Max's imagination like many of ours is the conduit he uses to grow, and evade the harsh reality of the ceaseless minute during a timeout or the sting of a spanking.

This story impacted me, again, but even more this time. Anybody that knows me knows of my weakness for the story. Escapism is my nicotine, my balance to the pressures of knowing what I know—what an adult knows. Little Max is screaming mad at his sister, and mother. He just wants to be understood. His destructive actions are the only way in which he can convey his feelings. The ends justify the proverbial means, so to speak. By smashing, and tearing through the house he can get their attention. Now they will listen! Just like his friend Carol, played by the incomparable James Gandolfini, he smashes and destroys his friend's huts to express his anger. They just don't seem to understand him, and he doesn't yet understand the pain that he inflicts. Max's mother can't help but to see a monster. As in our lives, we feel impotent to affect our circumstances. I feel like Max a little every day. We all want to run into another world where we can be king. We all want to let the "wild rumpus" start.

As Max shapes the world of Wild Things, he soon finds out that he too is but only a player. A sobering truth for all of us, I thought as I listened to the radio scream at me on why the world is going to hell in a hand basket.

2009-10-07T12:24:00.001-04:00

2009-10-07T12:03:00.001-04:00

Rivalry is fine, but is this a healthy Rivalry?

2009-09-23T10:37:00.003-04:00

I get older, and with that comes life experience. It's humorous to me that others refuse to recognize the opposition to their beliefs as an opportunity to test them. It's as if the validity of your perspective is irrelevant because it is what defines you. You are a valued conservative. Perhaps, an open-minded progressive? Either way, with that, there's a label that is hard to shake. No matter how much you try, that is who you are in the other's eyes. Then there are the fair-minded. Usually the ones that claim to be fair-minded don't know that they are nor are they so inclined to tell you. In most cases, it's an apathy that exists. This can both be a forced apathy out of distaste for either side, or just a prevailing aloofness. That's the three types of people. In a paragraph I just generalized a whole population of Americans. Not a very easy, nor a sharp venture. Although, I believe that I have nailed it.

I've tried, more often than not, to watch Fox News. I listen to conservative talk radio like a moth to the flame. Rare is it that I find their ideas stimulating versus irritating. I do not like to be yelled at as a form of proselytizing. So much of it is name calling and the spinning of "news" to create the story. This is especially true when there is a pressing issue. What I've found is that the dialogue is filled with vicious rhetoric and hysterics. It's hard to look at Glen Beck, beyond listening to him. He yells at you and preaches to you as if you were in first grade. I can't imagine, and then again I see it in the news every day, what power he has on the less educated. The ill-equipped to understand the histrionics and theatrical nature of his program are liable to implode with emotion. He plays into the predisposed prejudices of his viewers. Their innate xenophobia, and sense of fear about losing their way of life causes them to yell back at the television as if it were some form of rally versus an informative program or commentary. He depicts a world devoid of grey area, and superficial examinations of issues that only peal back layers of crazy to substantiate his world view.

The question has been raised about the genesis of this outrage against President Barack Obama and the underlying racial implications. I don't think that it can be denied that there is a racial component. When you look at the criticism of how the president reacted to the Havard-Gate situation in which the esteemed African American scholar Professor Gates was arrested in his own house with a "figures" kind of sentiment. It is obvious that there is some grey area, and one would hope the officer exercised his best judgment in the situation. However, no matter what the officer's intentions were it became a racial issue and fodder for those spinster-media types to make this an "us against them" argument. I do not believe that all of the criticism, like the president says, is racially motivated. Meanwhile, the reality is that the tactics of right have harnessed that very emotional energy with tacit incendiary remarks to inflame the evils of their psyche. The strategist on the right is very aware that this sentiment exists. In the 2008 election, during exit polling voters were actually willing to share that they weren't ready to vote for a black president. Race was part of the story in 2008 and will continue to be a component that cuts both ways.

I really believe that the "townhalls" and "tea-baggers" and all of this outrage that is portrayed as patriotic free-speech on Fox news is the result of Karl Rove politics. These are, by and large, the same opponents to gay marriage and abortion. These are emotionally charged situations where Rove took the polarizing issues of our time such as ten commandments in the class room, "In God we Trust" on our dollars, confederate flags in South Carolina, and gays adopting kids and exploded that to fan the flames of violent opposition against even a discussion about the alternatives. A conversation is diminished as an affront on their faith, and encroachment on their freedom. All nuance or complexity is watered down as politics.

What's more, is the dangers of for profit news sources that have taken this demographic and built programming around their perspectives. The people that spew this filth, the Becks, and Sean Hannitys are the first to admit that off the record they are entertainers. They say this with an air of smugness and condescension, and this is true on both sides. Yet they forgo the responsibility that comes with gossip. They play loose with the facts, and take editorial privilege often to wrap the stories of the day around their ideology. They know who watches their programs. Just like any good business man, "know thy customer" as Peter Drucker said. Unfortunately, the collateral damage is the truth. These shows don't present themselves as anything other than the news. They lack the honesty of Jon Stewart. At least, his show is on Comedy Central. It's a dangerous game.

As a passionate proponent of free speech, it's hard for me to side on the argument against the existence of their voices. My ambivalence is torturing because of the three types of people, only the informed will be heard. Then it's whoever has the loudest voice, or money to get their loud voice broadcast. So the misinformed are dominating the debate over substance. If the republicans continue to pick at the scabs of their constituency to emote support by ad hominem attacks on the issues, and propagating mistruths about the intentions of opposition--the end result will be the weakening of our republic. When the discussion has devolved to the lowest common denominator then we all lose.

The Character of America

2009-09-10T02:03:00.001-04:00

I've been an American for 31 years now. I can honestly say that there hasn't been a moment in my life in which I didn't believe America was the greatest country in the world. I have these black and white images in my head of soldiers storming the shore, and the star spangled banner enveloping me with pride. I have this great live album of Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street band playing "This Land is My Land" and it still gives me cold chills every time I play it. All of that being said, we are far from perfect. Right this moment, rational minds are debating the future of health insurance in our country. The president just finished speaking on healthcare to the freshly-vacationed, joint session of congress. He laid out his position clearly and passionately. Congress was polarized by two opposing viewpoints both parading as what's best for the American people.

Fortunately I've always had healthcare through my parents, and then as an adult through my job. So do the majority of Americans. For many of us, it seems like a very dangerous game that the president is playing with something that we have never put to the test. We have this security blanket that we rely on to make us feel better in spirit more so then health. Many of us are blessed with health, and we either pray for or take for granted the reality of its impermanence. Just as we are remiss in thanking God and Country every day for our safety, and freedom. We cheer loudly when we are on top. Sometimes we continue to cheer when we are down. That's patriotism. Countries all over the world have a loyal citizenry that would die for their country. Yet, some of us would begrudge them their love of country. Some of us speak of other countries, and even pejoratively say their names as a way of demonizing their way of life. They ignore the facts in lieu of silly jokes, and the demagoguery of its failures. We talk around, and over each other in order to further avoid open-minded conversation. We fling rocks and feckless rhetoric in pursuit of self-aggrandizement. We surrender honest accountability of our elected officials in exchange for a playground argument about why my momma is better than yours. Buried underneath all of the lies and hyperbole are real people. People like my father who loves this country, and served it his entire life. He was in the navy for over twenty years, and worked for the post office for the balance of his working years. He has accumulated so many health issues that he has three insurances, and of the three , two are government provided healthcare. He is vehemently opposed to government healthcare yet he depends on it. I understand his burning zeal for protectionism and self-preservation. Hell, he paid into it his entire life. He deserves his health care. But I don't find that excuses the argument that he deserves his healthcare only because he has served his country and has paid into it. Why is healthcare a commodity to be sold and bartered for a profit? Inherently commodities will be sold at the highest margin to turn a profit. To turn the highest profit, value will be compromised. Especially when the patient has no say so in what alternatives are available. The argument has been made that the American system provides choice. Last time I checked, when you sit down with your employer to choose your health benefit options you might have two choices. A premium option and a basic plan—all from the same company. In most cases with a rationed amount of healthcare dollars available to you, and clauses that prevent you from receiving care on pre-existing conditions. There's a lot of money available to the insurance companies due to the blessed few that rarely need it. Trillions of dollars funneled through a system fraught with corruption. Just like the other industries that have profited so much on Americans the last few decades such as oil, the financial sector, and the military-industrial complex. The voices that have thrown red herrings such as "death panels" and "take over" and "tax funded illegal immigrant care" are the very profiteers of the status quo. Over the last ten or so years the top 5% of Americans have done very well, Wall Street had an exceptional run, the oil industry has continued to have record profits, and military contractors during war time are having a banner decade. This is exactly what has happened, and has always happened, and will continue to happen if we don't make a stand.

I am sick and tired of hearing bought Fox talking heads, and nihilistic radio hosts scream socialism, and loosely try to associate the American government to a burgeoning socialistic dictatorship. They scream less government but they are okay with government getting in between the doctor and the mother, the loving couple, Terri Schiavo's dying wish, the medicinal use of marijuana for cancer patients, and the corporation that would rather turn a dime then do the right thing by their client. They yell "liar" at the president, but scream anti-America because you didn't support a war in which was a lie, and conflate it as being against American troops. They applaud the vicious liars that flaunt bigotry as values, and progressive dialogue as weakness. They do more to harm America in cutting the taxes for the richest of Americans then doing what is morally right—protecting our most precious freedom, the freedom to live. Pride comes before the fall.

Ask yourself this question, if John McCain and Sarah Palin won the presidency and they fired a missile into the heart of North Korea after that desperate cry for attention this summer, or claimed that Iran had a weapon of mass destruction. Do you believe that these same people that shout deficit and conservatism would be against a war with either one of those countries? Even if it cost as much as the Iraq war? Would they still be okay if the president took the war off the ledger and paid for it under the table in freshly printed dollars? (Like George W Bush did) Probably so, they were outraged that the American president deemed it okay to address the youth of America about the importance of an education even after 2 of the last three Republican presidents did the very same thing. I guess the Presidents Fitness Program was socialism also. . .

Please rebuke any falsities or lies that you see out there that claim to be real when they are in fact just an attempt to destroy this man's presidency. Like him, or hate him look at the issue and ask yourself if it's okay for a fellow American to die because of corporate profits? Or is it more American to turn a profit under the patriotic notion of capitalism? If that's the case, I question the "character of America".

Public Enemies Disappoints

2009-08-14T20:55:00.001-04:00

Public Enemies was a disappointment. Not complete and utter, but failing to live up to my expectations. Much of the critical feedback has been with his choice to utilize "digital High Def" cameras. Anyone that is a fan of Mann's knows of his predilection towards this format. One that he has boldly embraced years before his peers. Me being a fan, I had no issue with this choice. It's a crystal clear picture that reflects a picture more beautiful than life. His passion for the format, fused with sound perfection and chaotic action, masterfully choreographed is an art. In Enemies, he hits all the marks with precision. Where I believe he lacks is his story. Which is a shame considering the topic, and the epic characters. In Heat, Collateral, and The Last of the Mohicans he draws us into the story and projects an intimate portrayal of complex characters, and even more complex situations. I love all three of those movie passionately. I wanted to love this one more. Maybe my expectations were too high?

The movie was as star-studded as any of his other films. Christian Bale has become quite the sensation in the summer with his take on John Connor in the Terminator series, and of course as Bruce Wayne's alter ego. Marion Cotillard is fresh from an Oscar award winning year, and still novel enough to be compelling and void of any typecast. The supporting cast was strong, and looked the part. Especially, Stephen Graham as George "Baby Face" Nelson who lights up the screen with his iteration of the bombastic gangster. Then there was a little known actor by the name of Johnny Depp. I think he had a stint on a popular show in the 80's called 21 Jump Street. It was clear that Depp had put some thought into the character. None of this was moderately close to the presence he has as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirate's of the Caribbean. Granted, he could take more dramatic/comedic liberty with a fictional character, but still disappointing when you know the mythology and history of John Dillinger.

Mann attempts to pit an under-qualified but determined agent Melvin Purvis against the cunning Dillinger. Bale's Purvis is so hardboiled and earnest in everything he does that it just seems stilted. He lacks personality and depth. He is David Caruso's Horatio Cane without the one line quips. It's hard to like the guy, even more to pull for him. The history of "anti-heroes" in film has been well documented but Dillinger is impulsive and free willed minus the fun. His romance with Cotillard's character Billie Frechette (Dillinger's real girlfriend) lacks spark. All of the primary players stories inevitably descend upon each other at a drawn out pace for some explosive battle sequences. When the last bullet is fired and the carnage is splattered and draped all over the elaborate sets it's hard to feel anything. It's a sterile, insipid sensation like driving to work on the scenic route.

Public Enemies doesn't stray too far from the story that Mann did so well in Heat. Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are hard to top but Bale and Depp didn't even come close. In both films there is an influential antagonist who has a power over his men and the respect of both sides. The protagonist is daring, and skilled but overmatched by the "villain". (Heat spoiler) De Niro's bad-guy is so well drawn and then acted that it is morally unsettling when he dies at the end of the film. When Dillinger takes that last breath of destiny, it's far less impactful and it should've been. This is where I believe Mann, although still a hero of mine, may have been overmatched with his grandiose reverence to the action of the era. He seems to have overlooked the humanity of the characters and their relationships. 'Enemies wasn't far off from reading a hard-news story on the front of the newspaper. If you don't know the people involved it rarely affects you. This was Public Enemies.

I'm wondering if Mann left out a lot of the dialogue to speed up his 2hour plus film? I for one, would be curious to watch a director's cut. On bluray of course. Those of you that aren't Mann fans might want to save this one for the eternal tomorrow. I'll get back to you on the director's cut.

Cut the Crap

2009-07-31T01:48:00.003-04:00

Cut the crap. Do those of you "right-thinking" individuals see who represents you?

Glenn Beck said, "I'm thinking about killing Michael Moore...I could kill him myself, or if I would need to hire somebody to do it,...No, I think I could. I think he could be looking me in the eye, you know, and I could just be choking the life out. Is this wrong? I stopped wearing my What Would Jesus -- band -- Do, and I've lost all sense of right and wrong now. I used to be able to say, 'Yeah, I'd kill Michael Moore,' and then I'd see the little band: What Would Jesus Do? And then I'd realize, 'Oh, you wouldn't kill Michael Moore. Or at least you wouldn't choke him to death.' And you know, well, I'm not sure."

"The most used phrase in my administration if I were to be President would be "What the hell you mean we're out of missiles?"

"I'm just so excited... because it's Barney Frank's birthday . . . Let me ask you something. When Barney Frank blows out the candles and everybody's singing Happy Birthday to him and he's like, (Beck began the exaggerated lisp again) "'This is fabulous!' and he then blows (Beck made an exaggerated blowing/lisping noise) out the candles, does anybody else eat the cake?"

Neil Boortz said, "[T]here will be riots in South Central Los Angeles and elsewhere. ... The rioting, of course, will lead to wide scale looting. There are a lot of aspiring rappers and NBA superstars who could really use a nice flat-screen television right now."

Pat Buchanan said, "Our guys" in Iraq "have got every right to have good news put into the media and get to the people of Iraq, even if it's got to be planted or bought." [MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews, 12/1/05]

Michael Savage said, ". . .I said so kill 100 million of them, then there would be 900 million of them. I mean would you rather us die than them? I mean what is it gonna take for you people to wake up? Would you rather we disappear or we die? Or would you rather they disappear and they die? Because you're gonna have to make that choice sooner rather than later."

"A fraud, a racket. ... I'll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it's a brat who hasn't been told to cut the act out. That's what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they're silent? They don't have a father around to tell them, 'Don't act like a moron. You'll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don't sit there crying and screaming, idiot.' "

* On the Democratic Party: "The Democrat [sic] Party is the minority party. ... [Sen. Barack] Obama is a minority, a half minority at least. The membership is made up largely of minority blocs, the Hispanic caucus and the gay caucus -- caucuses that are all against the white person."

Ann Coulter: ""If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot."

"I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot."

"We need somebody to put rat poisoning in Justice Stevens' creme brulee. That's just a joke, for you in the media."

"We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."

"My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."

Sean Hannity said: "I'll tell you who should be tortured and killed at
Guantanamo - every filthy Democrat in the U.S. Congress. "

"This is the moment to say that there are things in life
worth fighting and dying for and one of 'em is making
sure Nancy Pelosi doesn't become the [House] speaker."

When the voice of your party, or the party that corners the market of your political philosophy, prolifically projects this nonsensical bigotry and right-wing newspeak it's hard for those of us on the outside to take anything you're saying seriously. When your news outlet broadcasts the "fringe conspiracy theory as a legitimate story, and gives their ignorance wings it's hard to take anything coming from that source seriously.

I'm one that likes to believe that all ideas are welcome to the table when there is a sense of reality to base it on before admittance, or the ability to immediately reject what has been proven to be nothing more than some racist's fantasy. The "birther" movement is by far the craziest idea to have disseminated through the ranks of the right. Then you have idiots like Liz Cheney who dance around the answer in hopes of perpetuating the idea even further. Similar to when the Secretary of State, Hilary Clinton didn't outright reject the idea that Obama was Muslim during the campaign. Do we forget the whole Muslim madrassa controversy that Fox news broadcasted based off of a websites un-sourced story? It was quickly denounced as a lie given wings by these same pundits on their 24/7 platform Fox News. Call it politically cunning but denounce it for what it really is—ridiculous. And dangerous.

When the dialogue should be about why Healthcare should be reformed, and what it should look like-- it's hard to even consider a bipartisan approach when these are the very people that represent the GOP nightly on every news show, and drivel all over the editorial columns of the right wing rags.

Left wing mass media, or media in general (go ahead and say it) has its fringe but it's rarely about these crazy ideas. Hollywood is the refuge of fantasy. Political conspiracy makes terrific cinema. And has a home on the internet with the porn and social websites. The issue is, that the Fox empire has created a niche' that caters to the nut-jobs that liked to be fed this crap on a nightly basis. Fox News was created in 1996 to be the answer to the liberal media establishment. They spoke truth to power during the Clinton years, and had a lot to do with George W Bush getting into power in 2000. Now they give a voice to many of the lunatics that I quoted above my piece.

If you believe that these people aren't the voice of true republicans then look at the 38 year-old front runner for the Young Republicans, Audra Shay who responded to the following post on her Facebook: ("Obama Bin Lauden [sic] is the new terrorist… Muslim is on there side [sic]… need to take this country back from all of these mad coons… and illegals") with "You Tell'em!. . ."

When a Home L and Security memo was being circulated that vigilance was needed in regards to "right-wing extremist" Fox News and talk radio cried foul. Despite the subsequent acts of right-wing extremism there is a failure to connect the dots here, and only few see this.

President Barack Obama was the quickest candidate to have secret service protection and it was reported that he has already received more than other president in office. This doesn't temper the rightwing rhetoric, nor does it bother those that feed off of it every night. This is truly disturbing.

What's sad is that it's tearing this country apart. It's not the president, and his policies. It's the minority party playing with the most obscene of politics out of desperation.

I don't pretend to believe that the left is innocent. I do believe that there is an immense chasm between what ethical leaps that the prominent right-wingers take and the prominent left-wingers. Then the very same talking heads that discharge this putrid apocryphal try to expose the websites like the DailyKos and Huffington for being bias and sensational. Come on, cut the crap. You may be right, but let me introduce you to the black kettle because you're delusional and self-righteous. It would be patriotic to reject the aforementioned reckless noisemakers in exchange for rational dissenters that can move the peanut forward. Come on, cut the crap.

Happy Independence Day

2009-07-04T22:59:00.001-04:00

I took the long way home tonight. I didn't have big plans this year for the fourth of July. My family doesn't grill or have a ritual to celebrate Independence Day. Tonight as I was driving home I decided that I'd drive past the park to catch the tail end of the fireworks. What caught my eye wasn't the array of colors in the sky but the gathering of colors on the hills. It's inspiring to see blacks, and whites together celebrating Independence Day together. Not to mention, liberals and conservatives. Atheists, Christians, Muslims, and Hindus all piled on top of each other, "oo-hing and ahhing".

Now I don't pretend to think that amongst the crowd all is forgiven, and thoughts of their temporary neighbors are of crystal purity. My point, however, is that when America is the focal point we come together as one nation of many people. Many different people. That is what makes us so special. That is why nations around the world aspire to be like us. It's not because of our healthcare system, or our free-market. It's not because of our hip-hop music and movies. It's not because of our pseudo nationalism that some people flaunt in the hopes of gaining political leverage.

It's our ability to live free and together. God Bless America.

“The most potent muse of all is our own inner child.” Stephen Nachmanovitch

2009-07-04T09:49:00.001-04:00

Over the past decade or so I've attempted to finish one story. It's actually quite comical at this point. I have stories that I've labored over well past the witching hour, and still they sit on my hard-drive. Like this virtual room, with a desk surrounded by stacks upon stacks of paper. I sit down with this great idea. The words are flowing, and my mind is in sync fully with words, and a picture in my mind. I have these great characters, with great dialogue. I have these complete environments artfully crafted to draw the reader into my world. I love writing. To me it's the only thing I could truly be happy doing for the rest of my life. The sad thing is that as I get older and the ideas accumulate, my craft deteriorates like a pitchers arm (unlike Roger Clemens). Not to mention, the general devolution of the literate world and their interests in the written word. Ipods, and Dolby Digital Surround sound are the sworn nemesis of the novel. Not unlike science and religion. It's hard to believe in something badly, and know it has to be right but there are forces working against it that are insurmountable.

Speaking of technology, I've recently started making notes on my Iphone (an official welcome to the 21^st century). In the past I would use a moleskin notebook, or a voice recording. It's helped me inventory my ideas better then transfer it directly to the computer. Pretty neat huh? In the past week I've put together a great story idea about a man in a taboo profession who is on the path to self-discovery-maybe. . . I love it. It is the first truly strong representation of a character that I truly like. He's funny, and self-deprecating (I know, is that cliché' enough for you?). Yet, he is deeply and profoundly lost as a human being. I've found it cathartic to work with him through his journey as I find that we as people seem to forget what is truly important. We add value to things, people, and sometimes ideas we aren't so sure of –in the hopes of defining ourselves. Recent studies, and I agree, find that we don't truly change much from our childhood. Our Emotional Intelligence and general disposition are part of our organic, hard-wiring. I would seem to agree.

I love this character, and I hope that he will truly be the one that I can follow to the end of the story.

Anticipatory high for Public Enemies

2009-07-01T11:36:00.001-04:00

If I had to list my favorite directors, which isn't as hard as listing my favorite movies, Michael Mann would be near the top. He's been known to be all style little substance. I can't say that I totally disagree with that statement. Although, I have trouble seeing Mann in the same category as Joel Schumacher and Michael Bay. I am so excited about Public Enemies! One of my most beloved genres plus the creative vision of Mann and Depp should be a sure bet. Mann has directed some of my favorite films like Last of the Mohicans, and Heat. He's also helmed some other great flicks such as Collateral, Manhunter, Miami Vice, and the Insider. It is rare that you get this type of A-list talent gathered with such a great filmmaker. So I hope that it will be better than American Gangster, which teamed one of my other favorite directors and my two favorite actors in a lackluster crime drama. It will definitely be better than that Hollywood up-chuck Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. I've watched episodes of Blues Clues that had less cheese on it. So let's keep our fingers crossed. I'll get back to you with hopefully rave reviews.

Liam Gardner McDaniel

2009-06-28T23:58:00.001-04:00

It's different this time. As a second time daddy I've become more confident. I was more natural this time. This doesn't parse any feelings of awe in the sheer magnitude of the moment. It's just as amazing how this life appears from silence. It's as if the world, although frenetic, was still, until that first cry. There's instant relief yet intense anxiety, and it's breathtaking. It's life at its most grandiose. The birth of my son, hours ago, shook me this time.

Liam Gardner McDaniel was born almost 24 hours ago. With my daughter Aubrey I was forever changed for the better. I was humbled, and realized the significance of my existence. The age old questioned answered in a moment. As we get older, we start to take an inventory of what matters. All of the missed opportunities and regrets are eclipsed by the birth of a child. It connects value to everything you do, and this time around there was epiphanic clarity.

My relationship with my father has been one of the true measures of who I've become as a man. I've had to endure belittlement, and scurrilous judgment from the tongue of my father. This isn't to say that he has had any positives in my life, because he has had some. Yet, he has brought me down to the arcane depths of my psyche during many of his relentless diatribes. I didn't really know my father until my senior year in high school. He was the proverbial "Santa-Dad" that showed up when he could bearing gifts, and an escape from our lives and from his. Some of those moments were the best of my childhood. I see them through the lens of a warm glow, and with an accompaniment of acoustic guitars and a harmonic melody. I love my father, but I have a solemn oath to be a better father. I want to not only provide for them, but be heroic figure for them. I want to be a trusted friend, and a mentor to them. I want them to achieve everything that I didn't. I want them to have every opportunity I didn't. I want to eliminate obstacles that will prevent them from having their chance, and diminish their regrets. Call it ambitious, but I find it the most noble of all reasons to live on this planet.

It's funny because I use to always say that romantic love, to me was the most awe inspiring in the spectrum. I didn't want to fall in love and not feel completely immersed in it. Once it is truly felt, I find that the heart desires nothing more than to feel love like that again. It's as if you truly can't love one person more than anything else in the world. I believe that it reincarnates itself each time with differing complexities. I don't believe there is the possibility of deciphering a truer love once genuinely felt. I've fallen in love twice in my life romantically. I've fallen in love twice with my children. I would do anything for them, and I don't find the notion of complete surrender to love to be heroic. The seizing of the heroic opportunity is, and I intend to do so.

Before I am buried I want to do something special. Something people will remember me for years to come for, something honorable, and of a heroic grandeur. When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to be a basketball star. Then it was a football Later it was a journalist. Even later, it was a novelist. All of these seem so juvenile now. It seems to me that how we live our lives. How we raise our kids. That in itself is a form of heroic immortality.

I don’t want to Grow Up

2009-05-31T10:19:00.001-04:00

My best friend Devin came to town for a funeral. It's sad that he had to make the trip for something sad but I was glad to see him nonetheless. Spending time with people that you only see in the rearview has a strange effect on you. Well, definitely me. I guess it could be chalked up as nostalgia? It's definitely a good thing. I've found as I've gotten older. As I've begun a family, and career. I have morphed into this other Ryan. I've had this ambivalent progression in my life. A so-called "I don't want to grow up—I want to be a Toys 'R us Kid" moment. But it's been the story of my adulthood. The fun thing is that you are impelled to do it. That noble sense of duty that overcomes you when you have your first kid, or pay your first mortgage. When you baseball cards for the Wall Street Journal. For me, life changed when my friends started to make similar changes in their lives. I don't know if it was a complete metamorphosis but I definitely detected a schism with my lifestyle and theirs. I felt like I was in this black hole, suspended in time where my life was all about wasting time. They had undergone a metamorphosis over night. I enjoyed the late nights of movies, and "war" videogames. The shared pizza tickets, and early morning breakfasts. I love the sound of the same story told over, and over again. I didn't want to give that up. But there is an undeniable force that pulls you in and makes these decisions for you.

Sometimes I try to rebel against it and stay up late. It's funny; because my body started an insurgency about midnight. It beats me to the punch most of the time. Maybe I'm getting old, or just unhealthy but at midnight my body starts to really ache. It screams and groans with every movement, and there's a constant throbbing in my joints that says---go to sleep you fool. The sad thing is that I would consider going back to that moment in my life--when my family was an extended family of friends that I have met over the years. Great, timeless friendships I've had. I've been lucky to have had every one of them. Although, I can't say that being a father and husband aren't more compelling as relationships. I will not say that I see the former as any less important.

Growing is something that we have to do. It begins, when we begin. There is no real right-of-passage. To me it's the journey. How we do it, is where the trials begin. I just wish there was compromise. Because love is transformative in nature, and it's sheer force extends countries and betrayals. How can adulthood be so daunting?

I find that it's not a conscious decision we all make that today; I relinquish these things of my childhood. It is an awareness that comes over you. Or more like the first day you realize you have hair where you haven't had it before, or don't have it. That's the mystery to all of this. Add the daily complexity of life, and the compromise seems like a bigger one by the second.

For what it's worth, I would go back if I knew that my present life was guaranteed. Yet, it's not that simple.

"Hang around with the people
That we used to be
We hang around on a corner
Waiting to go have a seat

And I can try
I can see
I can want it to be
I can laugh
I can feel
I can say anything that seems real
Its just like a dream
I can feel
I can laugh
I can want it to still be real
Its a dream
Ive had
Its the last
Now it seems

Now that i
I am in town
I feel fine
Fine for now
Now that i
I am in town
Now that i
I am in town"

Ryan Adams

The McDaniel Legacy

2009-05-22T15:02:00.001-04:00

The past few weeks have been at an accelerated pace. One that I am ill equipped to handle efficiently, and still maintain some level of everyday normalcy. This time the whole pregnancy process has been a bit more of an impending change. Not good, or bad necessarily but life altering. With the last one, my wife and I were nervous and scared yet anxious as we've ever been about anything. I feel as if the date is almost here, and I know that we aren't quite ready nor will we be.

We go through these changes with enthusiastic rookie vigor, very idealistic and focused. Then as the dust begins to settle we regress back into the lives that we use to live. It's easy to be idealistic and principled beforehand but once you are in the present the challenges begins. It's more of an awakening in the life story of someone else. We are no longer the protagonist. We are a peripheral character. This revelation is a gradual one. One that a lot of new parents fail to accept in due time. One that doesn't come easily.

This time I'm more prepared. I understand the gravity of the situation. I'm experienced in the whole labor "coach" routine. My mind is centered and my understanding is more measured against experience. The experiences are priceless. This is what people say when they say that the most important things about life aren't the materials, or the power. It's these priceless memories--the "real" human experience.

I am so amped to go through this again. Life begins and then changes, just to begin again. I was born. I had a great childhood. I became a young man. I became a man. I became a father. I am now the head of a family. I have the beginnings of a legacy that is all my own. So whose story is it? I don't think that it really matters. What matters is that the impact that I have on the lives of my children will define me more as a man than any achievement that I attain in my professional life. All of those failed opportunities and regrets are incomparable to my opportunity to be a great father. The important part is the knowing when to accept the time for you to step back, and allow it to be their story. All the while, you are providing them the foundation for their own legacy.

2009-04-23T12:05:00.001-04:00

One of the so-called rules of writing, or journalism specifically is to hit hard. Hit hard in the context of stating something bold and build your story from there. Don't take the blank sheet of paper, or the computer screen lightly. Well, here it goes. IM WILLING TO PAY MORE TAXES.

In fact, tax me another 10%. So many of the "righties" scream horrific, bloody murder because the president is moving forward with the very agenda that he put forward during the election. Look, I love money as much as the next guy. I do. I love to buy stuff with it. I need it. All of that being said, I am 100% behind an agenda that will reinvest in what is great about America. The republican brain-trust speaks so reverently about "American's can do anything" if that pesky government keeps their hands off of them. A nice principle in theory. Seriously, so you believe that all business should go unregulated because man in business is inherently more just than man in government? The problem with any organization is people, and poor leadership. The greed and incompetence of man are the most pernicious forces known to us. A great leader can inspire men to believe in themselves, and aspire for greatness. A poor manager can demoralize the engagement of the people. Our forefathers loved this country, no doubt about it. They believed in it when there was nothing but hope. They inspired man to work together for the greater good of a people, which became a community, which became a nation. Their vision saw a world like ours, not unlike the evils of monarchies and dictatorships, but one where power consumed man. Then man consumed everything. That's why they provided us a democracy that had competitive branches of government. This very juncture, where one party rules all is a product of years of Republican degradation and greed. Years of torture is for our safety, and government incompetence is tantamount to effective government because it's less.

The righties believe in "rewarding hard work" which again sounds greeeeeeeat! Anyone can get behind that. It is an oversimplification of what hard work actually is, and how it can be measured. Hard work can be conflated with greed, and fraud. Hard work, by some, is only reflective in the amount of zeros in their paycheck. "Hard Work" in this context can be inherited, it can be stumbled upon. It is a principle that ultimately weakens our country. In fact, I believe that it limits creativity of both the individual, and of the less fortunate. Genius and talent can be a blessing bestowed on any person. Sometimes these people can overcome their circumstances. And in some cases they take their talents, and apply it to something subversive to both themselves and the world. This is not a socialist principle. The worst of our inner demons get the best of us, and we sometimes only see the worst cases of what happens with altruism. We see the opportunists and free loaders as the representation of government funded programs. I am in absolute agreement here and find myself to be a major proponent of reform in welfare, and Medicaid. It's truly baffling to me to only look at what it says on the calculator of what percentage of income goes to the government. In some cases it can be excessive, and of course there should be breaks for the enterprises that move America forward. Energy independence and green energy, and companies that maintain a majority American workforce should be given a break. But this maniacal idea that the 90's era tax code is the end of times for America is damn right selfish. In most cases those that are trumpeting these calls for revolution were the most influential and supportive voices behind the president, and his mismanagement of the war, and the billions of dollars that were squandered so carelessly. They don't have a problem that a Bush lead government failed to recognize the expense of the war in the national budget, and spent more money than any president ever. Here we are nation building and pumping money in "no bid" contracts for the American war machine both internally and private in a country that doesn't want us there. Yet this president says he wants to be aggressive, and put money back into infrastructure. How American is that? Everyone says what's great about America is the ingenuity of its people. Why not invest in that? The abyss of debt that we are currently in is not Barack Obama's fault. He was given a starting point of debt that was insurmountable under the current course. Kind of like the usual college kid that graduates in the 21^st century. Even like a man or woman, or child that has no choice of the defects deep inside their body that they are unable to pay for the care that is required. But trillions of dollars pumped into the wars of lies, and deception, it's okay—put it on our American Express.

Friday Night Lights--Who said television can't be good?

2009-03-21T02:10:00.000-04:00

“Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t LOSE.”
Coach Taylor

If you’re not watching Friday Night Lights on NBC, either by DVR or live, and you watch television—you are missing something extraordinary. It is a seldom and fleeting feeling to be inspired by a television show, and then to sit down and write about it. Even rare moments have to happen. So goes my last fifteen minutes immediately after turning off the television and walking up the stairs.
The show is based off of the much acclaimed book Friday Night Lights: A Town, a Team, and a Dream by HG Bissinger. It was then adapted into a lackluster movie that banked off of the success of Billy Bob Thorton. Typically, I take the time to read the book before the movie but I didn’t in this case. Upon watching the movie, it seemed irrelevant and tired from the overused “ideas” of what a football movie was supposed to be. The actors didn’t quite bring the characters to life in a way that we truly sympathized for them. A large part of what draws people to sport’s movies is the nostalgia of it all, the moments that seem so far in the distance that we can vaguely capture the essence of what it felt like to be larger than life within our limited imaginations. So we leave it to the artists and writers to retell our epic stories of gridiron glory. The sad ballad of forty-something’s sitting around the bar reminiscing hyperbolized stories of greatness. Only those that have really played the game, or any game for that matter, can forget the day they last wore the jersey. Part of the sadness of football is that when you do take off the pads, you really don’t ever get to wear them again.
In the third telling of the story Peter Berg does so with an intricately measured stroke and a larger canvass. He’s been afforded this opportunity for three seasons largely due to the critical success of the show. My hope is that everyone will give it a chance, and see what this show has achieved that so many others have tried to fabricate. Berg has accomplished a triumph of the human spirit, however, he does so without prejudice of what’s been stumbled through before in pursuit of a spike in ratings. He does it with an artist’s sensibility, and the reverence of a veteran.
The show focuses on a group of primary characters closely typecast after the original players but with profound dimensions. The heart of the shows cast is the coach’s family. Coach Eric Taylor played by Kyle Chandler has some of the show best moments. He plays the part so genuinely that he captivates you with his passion for the “boys” and his family. He manages to school the Academy Award winner whose version was flawed by overwrought gravitas. We couldn’t feel what he felt. To us, he was just a coach that tried to be more. Chandlers coach is a father, and a husband who is a great coach.
The supporting cast is well placed, and has a more authentic version of themselves than their big screen counterparts. The superstar quarterback, Jason Street, from season one has some particularly touching moments. The boastful and flashy running back grows on you as he takes his journey through the show. The second-string quarterback, Matt Saracen, is a younger version of the coach whose acting chops get better as his character progresses. His struggles with his home life seem to eclipse anything that could happen in a game, but in Texas this isn’t the case. The feckless loaner played by Tyler Kitsch, Tim Riggins, is portrayed more accessibly and vulnerably than most rebel’s-without-a-cause. Connie Britton, who is also in the movie, plays Mrs. Taylor who clearly is the “good angel” on the Coaches shoulder and clearly marks her territory throughout the show with some of its most effusive moments.
The cast is large and sprawling, and I can’t give you a rundown of every character. I don’t want to cheapen the magic of the show, and the affect that each and every character has on you. I believe that if you give this show a chance, you will see that the critics aren’t wrong. It is a sad fact that this show is on the proverbial chopping block this season. It is unfortunate that we have to trade quality for lame competitions and B-List celebrity versions of a show that should have been cancelled years ago. Please give Lights a chance to entrance you with quality story telling through the eyes of a cast and creator that do so in earnest.
*I would recommend renting the DVDs first, but to save the show we would have to skip and come back.

Childish Things

2009-02-10T23:47:00.000-05:00

What really gives me pause are the Savages, Limbaughs, Boortzs, Oreillys, and Hannitys of the world. They act as if they have a clean slate. As if they have a monopoly on perfection and integrity. I know it’s lonely on the top but this is ridiculous. I watched the press conferences, and some of the town halls. I’ve listened to the vacuous dialogue that has followed afterwards. The bravado that the Dick Cheney’s, and Karl Rove’s have shown in the aftermath of their disastrous tenure amazes me. The artificial stance that they’ve taken that government has no place in the private sector just to sound principled is amazing. Especially considering the most expansive use of government and executive power in the history of the United States the past 8 years. I believe that they fail to recognize that they are implicit in their contribution to the worst economic downturn in decades like the kids that broke the vase and ran out of the room. All of this is true. American’s voted unanimously to move away from this so-called “hands off” approach to government although it was nothing resembling “hands off”. Wake up America.
Barack Obama’s administration is barely out of it’s first two weeks and they are calling him a liar and cheat. The “Shop-Lifter in Chief” I heard the other day. Bush’s projected 3-trillion dollar war, however, is somehow more dignified an expense because if you didn’t support it you were unpatriotic. He sold us bumper sticker philosophy “They Hate us for Our Freedom” and “Your either with us or against us.” The cost of this to our international perception was decimating. All of this pales in comparison to the human cost. Obama believes in a philosophy that government is inherently as good as the people that govern. He reveres the Kennedy’s, and the FDRs. We knew that going into the election. As much as others wanted to paint him as this mysterious terrorist, yet they act surprised when he brings a pro-spending agenda. Politicians are such drama-queens. They sensationalize every blunder, and hyperbolize every action and it’s sickening (this goes for both sides).
It’s a world that we have created, exasperated by the Bush Administration and consumed by so many political hacks (like myself) like junk-food. Unfortunately, it’s not only bad for you it matters. It matters in every way because it divides us. We will not move forward. We will not progress without cooperation. The sad thing we all know this but are unable to concede anything. It’s either liberal or conservative. Sometimes Socialist or Fascist. The government panacea or almighty free-market ingenuity and nothing else.
Stop listening to the entrenched and listen to who matters. The loudest one in the room is always heard but is rarely right. He can’t remove the passion to make an objective decision. See what really amazes me is that the most staunchest of Republican’s swear by the free-market. Just this fall they claimed the economy was sound. Some consider any government interference to be an act of blasphemy. Yet they fail to recognize that any process requires the meddling of man. If I’m wrong, please enlighten me. The market supposedly self-corrects itself as this perfect organism. I recognize government as flawed, and full of corruption. But so is the private sector. I think the rub is that government, although accountable to the public, is ran by a majority that is apathetic. Government is rarely newsworthy to the middle, and useless to the extreme. Useless in the way that it only matters to the spin-masters and opinion makers. Then the parochially minded eat it up when they are in agreement. When it’s packaged as an affront on their deepest values. It plays to the worst of our prejudices.
Obama has gone out of his way to hear the other side of the argument. Even though it’s slanted by the right as conniving and dirty. They take some poor judgements by his team and frame it as typical “Chicago politics” or “Blago-tics” (after the infamous impeached Illinois governor). They fail to give credit to Obama to doing one thing that Bush never did, and in the first few weeks of his administration for that matter. He took credit for a mistake. Can any of you name one former Secretary of the Treasury? I can’t, except Paulson. I’m actually for the nominees stepping down. (For what it’s worth). I understand why Obama doesn’t denigrate them and dismiss them, and it’s not because he is a corrupt Blago-clone.
The vast majority of us have no real understanding of the economic crisis. We all have someone else’s idea, and most likely an oversimplification of the theory (myself included). Let’s give the man a chance to do what he was voted to do. I understand the microscope that is being applied. I actually applaud it but the dialogue coming out of it is disappointing in substance. It doesn’t move things forward. It’s political protectionism in the disguise of patriotism. It’s Obama’s move, let him have it. If he fails, it’ll be his and his side to take the fall. No more political grandstanding . We need leadership, and leadership comes with a great responsibility and accountability.

“We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.” Barack Obama

Frustration

2009-01-27T00:57:00.000-05:00

Okay so I’ve had enough. I sit in my car and listen to the inflected bloviation on talk radio. I’ve read opinion after opinion on Obama, and the economy. It’s not like I can wax impartiality, but I’ll try.
The real problem I have of the criticism from the for-profit opinion makers Neil Boortz, Michael Savage, and other incarnations (and I’m aware that there are plenty on the left too. . .) Is their myopic perspective on the administrations agenda. They perpetuate ideas that strike fear in the American people not out of principal but on cliche’s. Boortz claimed that the American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan is nothing but a valentine from Obama to the special interests group. That his first major act of his presidency is a payoff to those that got him elected. (He forgets that Obama’s record breaking haul was primarily funded by $200.00 or less individual donations) Michael Savage is throwing out fears to his hysteric audience that the wool has been pulled over our eyes and that Obama’s first major television interview taking place on an Arabic news channel should be a “red flag” of sorts. Rush Limbaugh had an Ann Coulter moment this week when he claimed that he hopes that “Obama fails”. (Probably good for his ratings) I don’t see how this criticism is in anyway constructive. How does an impetuous comment by these blowhards equate to honest dissent. This is nothing but a spill over of the sour milk sentiment since the election. These criticisms don’t discuss the merit of the decision, the content of the measure, or the intentions of the man. This is the very thing that has expanded the schism in America during the Bush Administration. The “Great Decider” was not a president that believed in a unified country. It was his way or the highway. This is not the behavior of a leader, and I never once heard the blowhards condemn his divisive management style. Progress is made through dialogue, not entrenched opinions manifested in yelling louder to validate the view.
Another problem I have with the post-election America is the belief that Obama only won the election because he was black. That the electorate that voted for him made the uninformed decision because of an “identity politics”. People forget the 2004 election where Bush was put over the top by the “gay marriage” ballot box. People play dumb when they suggest that Bush didn’t play religious politics to put him over in both elections. People forget that racism is still a force in this country and that some voted against Obama because of this bigotry. People forget that black is still the minority. So the truth of the matter is that Obama’s skin color was a factor, but not the lopsided one that is suggested. There’s this video being circulated of an African American woman claiming that she was voting for Obama because she didn’t want to pay her mortgage. Like this video doesn’t have a multiplicity of counterparts against Obama arguing some other absurdity.
I think that Obama hasn’t surprised any of us with the closing of Guantanamo, his funding of hospitals that perform abortions, his focus on changing emission and fuel-standards for cars (shoot, we’ll own them before long), and his push to get the stimulus package in place. The Bush Administration gave $350 billion dollars to the crooks in Wall Street. Some of these companies in dire straits have spent money on corporate retreats, executive bonuses, and the most recent a $50 billion dollar luxury jet by Citigroup. All of this kind of makes me feel dirty.
So far, the oath of office redux notwithstanding, I think he’s led with a cool head and a focus on bipartisanship. His commitment to transparency, and communication has been well received by both the left and the right. I don’t claim to know the future of the economy with or without stimulus. I’d rather leave that in the hands of the man that holds the full accountability on how it is spent and ultimately the effect. Let’s not lose sight of the fact that patriotism isn’t who’s the better Republican or Democrat. We are all in this together, and our diversity of views is what makes us great. Let’s put democracy to work, be open-minded, and remember that progress is only made when we further the dialogue.

"A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved - I do not expect the house to fall - but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other."

Abraham Lincoln

Let the "Change" Begin

2009-01-08T00:21:00.000-05:00

The very things that we hate about politics, and the same very things that they deny complicity-they do again. This whole Illinois Senate seat debacle has went from joke, to impasse, to political theater, to “small hurdle” (Sen. Harry Reid). Is it a need to keep the ratings up on the political news shows? It certainly amps up the talk radio hosts, and that’s always great for the ride to work. The sad thing is that it’s much more devious than that customarily.
Personally I am at odds with the lack of moral rectitude (that was dubious from day one) and the ability to stop playing to the audience for what they call in the sports entertainment industry a “cheap pop” or playing to the crowd. Then, without disappointment, they reposition themselves as if there isn’t a record of their previous stance. Harry Reid has the constitution of a paper mache’ and the political shrewdness of a court jester. I am at my wit’s end with that hack, and we need to start holding these people accountable for these public displays of incompetence and the impropriety of duty.
This could be my naivete, and the “political” equivalent of getting your hands dirty-but it doesn’t purify the deed. It is in my hopes that the “change” will come, and assuage these loathsome acts of self assent.

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”

Oscar Wilde

The Ballad of Woodrow Wimbley

2009-01-07T03:18:00.000-05:00

I walked forward through the aisle at the book store. Many hours of previous days have passed me unknowingly and often while I perused the catchy titles, and today’s no different. Each one appears to say the same thing differently, and nothing of import. “Next in line,” the sale person says at the cash register. The one customer addressed constituted the “line”. A lot of political books, and novelty types lined the shelves after failing to catch the needed attention during the election and holiday season. I turned the corner looking at the display on the end cap. No banner or guidance necessary, these books were all about turning your life around. The bright, not so illustrious titles were printed across the foreheads of some celebrity or guru with a knowing smile on his or her face. Some of the books were about the body, and the others about the mind. Don’t forget the soul I thought, or have you already cashed that in? There they are, a whole section on how to save your soul. Through various forms of spiritualism. Staving off despondency, I followed my feet to the in-store café for a coffee.
I collected my coffee, and myself and took a seat to maneuver through the thick haze that had encumbered my thoughts. The conversations varied from idle chatter, to the economy. I have trouble wrapping my head around it myself. If I was like my father, I would’ve burdened the two ladies behind me with my opinion on when the economy would turn around. But I’m not my father. For the good of both of us. . .
The coffee did little to raise my spirits, or my alertness yet I persisted. I considered a pastry, although not usually my thing. I was looking for some catalyst of inspiration. For this, I’m indiscriminate and adventurous which works well together. The old standbys were not available. A movie that I hadn’t seen already, or a friendly face from the past. A girl talking into her earpiece and her maddening laughter shook me from my discontent, and propelled me away from the seating area, and out of the store.
I walked the sidewalks covered by the breeze-way, still sipping my coffee in earnest. The parking lot was largely vacant securing me my nearby parking place, even though I usually don’t mind the walk. Even in the cold rain, I like to take in the atmosphere. My form of spiritualism in the morning I guess. I wandered ahead, considering the perfect context to put my present state of mind within and despite my general understanding of it–I was ineffective.
My thoughts wove everywhere from the woebegone economy, the insipidity of the grind, and the general degradation of the very idealism that defined myself a decade ago. No matter how many rungs I ascend on the ladder, will it be enough? I’ve asked myself that question time and time again.
If you hazard the arduous task of turning over enough stones, one can find inspiration in the human condition. Some days they present themselves more abundantly, and others they are scarce. In times when the world is suffering, and times get tough, during wars and depression, and bouts with overwhelming doubt people reflect those sentiments back on others. Then there are those that repel those ideas, and forge ahead. Heroes of the good fight. Torchbearers for progress. Battle weary believers of the kindness in humanity that never say no. Some have sold their experiences in hopes of turning a profit, or furthering an agenda. I passed a few of these charlatans walking the crowded corridors in the book store. It’s hard, even for the discerning to sift through these exertions on credulity. These byproducts of hope.
My phone rang, jerking me back into reality (I must find a less officious ring-tone). “Hello, I said.” Later, I now consider the familiar yet new trails I blazed in my mind. Then I qualified them against the metrics of reality. I always hated math, yet the answer for this one doesn’t seem so complex nor encouraging.

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
Ernest Hemingway

“Why so Serious?”
The Joker

"In life you have to do a lot of things you don’t fucking want to do. Many times, that’s what the fuck life is… one vile fucking task after another."
Al Swearengen

Faustian Bargain

2008-09-19T00:17:00.000-04:00

It’s not as if I just crawled out of the rabbit hole, but seriously. . . I am beginning to believe that the world doesn’t really want the truth, or even something flimsily representing the truth. Everyone wants to feel better. Everyone wants to be corroborated and have their ignorance, I mean egos massaged. We have become lazy, and friendly with political subterfuge. All in the name of shiftless comfort.
John McCain was a good Presidential candidate in 2000. He truly was a maverick, and a man of the people. I probably would’ve voted for McCain in 2000 if he was the alternative to W or even John Kerry. Then this happened. “John McCain took the New Hampshire primary and was favored to win in South Carolina. Had he succeeded, he would likely have thwarted the presidential aspirations of George W. Bush and become the Republican nominee. But Bush strategist Karl Rove came to the rescue with a vicious smear tactic. Bush would deny any wrong doing in the attacks, but never denounced them as a tactic of his supporters. Rove invented a uniquely injurious fiction for his operatives to circulate via a phony poll. Voters were asked, ‘Would you be more or less likely to vote for John McCain...if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?’ This was no random slur. McCain was at the time campaigning with his dark-skinned daughter, Bridget, adopted from Bangladesh.” (Anna Banks, The Nation) Bush never accepted fault, apologized, nor denounced these tactics. Additional “Whisper Campaigns” pushed by Rove and Charlie Condon (Condon now works for McCain) were that Cindy McCain was a drug addict and that McCain was psychologically unstable. These tactics have now been employed against Barack Obama and his relationships, positions, and record. These tactics that are the equivalent of noise, and red herring.
McCain’s political stance in 2000 is diametrically opposed to the man that presents himself today in 2008. He could actually run against himself. The maverick, the bane of the neo-conservative movement has been for alternative fuels, against off-shore drilling and still against drilling in Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR), believed in man generated Climate Change, believed that the Bush tax cuts were immoral, against Guantanomo torture, and for immigration reform. By the way, he’s changed his mind on all of these. He is half the man that he used to be. It’s not just a talking point, he is no different than the man in the office. You line up their positions, and when juxtaposed they are in agreement. (Actually 90% agreement)
So we see a changed game since Sarah Palin, and it can be similar to a rabbit hole experience. The message is still the same, but now theirs someone prettier to deliver it. The very criticism of Obama and his lack of experience and celebrity-like draw is the very genesis of the Sarah Palin experiment. An inexperienced governor with puffed up credentials, who was selected not because of her achievement but her gender. Her experience pales in comparison to the usual suspects that have been on the republican stage over the past few months. No one wants to give Obama credit for running a successful campaign against the biggest brand name in democratic politics who actually won more democratic votes. They forget that he has been subject to endless scrutiny, character assassinations, and a grueling campaign. He’s not just joined the fight like Palin. Palin doesn’t deserve the credit that she’s getting as if she’s achieved what Hilary Clinton did in her 18 million votes. All she has is a speech.
Now McCain, who has sold his soul to neo-conservative politics of war profiteering and rogue nationalism laced with a religious agenda to bring in the republicans that won’t benefit from their tax code. His selfless sacrifice to his country, that many upon many of better men than me have also endured has been exploited by the darkest-Karl-Rove-segment of his party. The wool over our eyes is that McCain has failed to tell us what he will do differently than his Republican party brother George W. Bush. What he has focused on is to tell us that Obama is a “tax and spend liberal” and misrepresenting his policies. I just received a letter from some family members stating the differences between Barack and McCain. The content was ridiculous, and factually wrong. The problem is that this is the information that is being disseminated out to the electorate. The very kind of politics that defeated McCain in 2000. A “Whisper Campaign” in which the candidate quietly endorses that goes deep into the gutter to create a negative buzz. The internet has enabled this viral type of libel by reaching an infinite number of people through YouTube, and blogs. In 2000 smears such as McCain was for gays and secretly gay, that he had lost his mind due to his stay in the now infamous Hanoi Hilton, that he had a black child, and his wife was a drug addict. When these type of adds were first used against Obama McCain announced his indignation and said that he would run a respectable campaign on the issues. The problem is, the electorate obviously doesn’t want one. It’s not sexy enough for cable television. The tragedy of it all is that the boring issues are what’s killing us a death of 1000 cuts.
I leave you with this information about the change in the economy from 2001 to today. And some info on another commonly misrepresented
• Gas prices from $1.60- to over $4.00
• +200 billion budget surplus -to 350 billion dollar budget deficit
• 10-12 billion dollars a month in Iraq

And this about Obama’s Economic Plan:
• “Although Republican John McCain claims that Obama would raise taxes, the independent Tax Policy Center and other groups conclude that four out of five U.S. households would receive tax cuts under Obama's proposals.” (Douglass K Daniel, AP)
Obama’s stance on gay marriage:
• “Although Barack Obama has said that he supports civil unions, he is against gay marriage. In an interview with the Chicago Daily Tribune, Obama said, "I'm a Christian. And so, although I try not to have my religious beliefs dominate or determine my political views on this issue, I do believe that tradition, and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman." (From Lesbianlife.com)
Obama’s stance on abortion:
• Clearly on the side of choice of the individual but voted “present” in the Chicago legislature because a vote of “yes” is required to pass legislation. He voted present instead of yes or no during a partial birth ban because it didn’t have a provision to protect the mother’s health as the first priority and defined the fetus as “life”. Albeit, controversial but not for partial birth abortion.

“If y'all don't shut up, I'm gonna go out of my mind.”. Doyle Hargraves

2008-09-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

http://my.barackobama.com/page/s/im46?source=sem-lb-59

In the end we are all Americans

2008-08-25T00:21:00.000-04:00

In the end we are all Americans, disparate neighbors in the greatest country in the world. Is there really so much about us that is different? Are the intrinsic values that are the very fibers of our being so water and oil? These are questions that I find myself staring at the ceiling so often contemplating.

In my studies in leadership, whether during my Eagle Scout trials as a youth or in high school athletics the message was clear---lead by example. Own your words, and be the personification of your values. Not too far behind that philosophy was the message of unification. The terribly tragic thing is that these too fundamental laws of leadership have been abandoned by our political leaders. But I believe this problem is so systemic, that without some concession and acquiescence one can not become the president. The very standards that we hold our heroes to are the very things that we the electorate have allowed to be forgotten by our politicians.

The newsworthy accomplishments and the very crux of the reason to vote for a candidate are suddenly subordinate to something they said in passing. Someone that they met once in their life is what defines a person. Then there’s the off key joke or political “gaffe” that we’ve all heard on repeat, received in some chain email, or inundated on Youtube that is suddenly the measure of man.

This dumbing down of politics is so pervasive that careers have been made of it. The importance of government is lost in the cesspool of primetime politics. I admit that sometimes tax-code and international relations can bore the youth off of our faces. But it’s gone too far. We spent more time discussing “bible and guns” and the idiocy of Reverend Wright’s bigotry and warped national view then the fact that oil barrel prices exploded and our homes lost a quarter of their value. A salacious distraction from what was seriously devaluing the dollar, and the economic stability of America. We surpassed grim benchmarks in Iraq and watched Afghanistan become the most violent place in the world. This is morally reprehensible, and irresponsible. But so is Flavor of Love, Big Brother and so many of the other shows that captivate us.

Then we defer our rationality to paid editorialists who mold the status quo into their opinion or motivation. American’s as a whole, don’t really care about political minutiae. Most only care about what our favorite pundit’s interpretation of the news is, and that’s it. The decision of who we select as our proxy for such an important decision isn’t based on anything other than looks, or who our fathers told us were the bearers of truth.

When you really boil down American’s we all stand for mostly the same values. We all want everyone to have a shot at the American dream if they work hard for it. We all believe in a well funded and robust military that can stare down evil in the world and dispense wrath on those who dare do us harm. We all want our veterans to be assimilated back into civilian life honorably and sensitively. We all want to pay less taxes. We all want a government that doesn’t control the very essence of our freedom like who we can love, and where we can go. We want a government that we can trust. We want leaders we can be proud of and revere. We want the ability to worship without interference. We want safety and prosperity for our children.

I feel that we have given up on possibility and hope, in exchange for paranoia. We need to take back America. Our future, and our children’s future are too important to focus on what the “Primetime Media” tells us we should think. Consider that cable media is a business, and a business is reliant on bottom line growth. They are not in the business of perpetuating truth. There’s not much money in it.

“Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people. . “ Howard Beale from Network.

“This is the story of America. Everybody’s doing what they think they’re supposed to do.” Jack Kerouac

Big Day in the Life Of Ryan

2008-08-07T01:02:00.000-04:00

I don’t usually exploit this venue to speak about personal accomplishments. When I write it’s usually a bitter diatribe. Sometimes I will celebrate the accomplishments, both dubious and laudable of others, but usually not mine. Today, however, I feel the urge to share a little with my wonderful readership. Although that’s probably just my mom, and she’s required to support me in all my ventures. And she already knows. . .
I got a pretty big promotion today. Actually, it’s the largest to date. It was pretty unexpected. Not so much the destination but the complete satisfaction of my demands. That is rare in the business world? It’s mostly unheard of. I’ve rediscovered my belief that there is integrity in the world, and that people do have the capacity for good.
In my life I’ve had a litany of regrets. Mistakes made arbitrarily, and others just not well thought out. A lot would argue I’ve lived a comparatively unexciting and risk-free life. And I would be hard pressed to disagree. But I used to operate under the assumption that hard work will eventually pay off, and talent plus effort---will be subsequently rewarded. This conversely has seldom been the case.
So here’s my nod to the big guy, and a sworn statement to be a little more “glass half-full” around here. And to those of you that are having doubts (mom, just kidding) persistence and determination does have a place in the order of the world.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-25T02:25:00.000-04:00

I recently watch the Batman sequel, the Dark Knight. Then I went and watched it again. The film is pitch perfect. Flawless is another word that comes to mind. It’s a lot like the daydreaming that precedes a big trip, and when it finally arrives you are more than wholly satisfied.

It’s the Last Supper of genius. The Nolan brothers, Christopher and Jonathan have collaborated on their magnum opus. The have previously collaborated on numerous projects like Memento, Insomnia, Prestige and Batman Begins. If Begins was a great genre film, Dark Knight transcends the rigid convention that hero films are restrained to. When you consider the collection of acting talent, and the dark vision of the Nolan’s, whose particular lens is the soulmate to Bob Kane and Frank Miller’s dark muse, it’s a perfect storm of artistry. Combine that with the tour-de-force performance by Heath Ledger who truly brought the Joker alive. All of this united with a great script, kinetic confrontations, and the solid performances of the Best Batman Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Caine. This film is truly one for the ages. It’s not your daddy’s Batman.

The cast approached this film, like the previous one, with the earnestness of a serious drama or thriller. Oldman’s Gordon is the real deal. He’s the cop that you hope exists. He is the paragon of integrity and honor that Gotham truly needs. Caine and Freeman keep Bruce Wayne’s head clear and ground him when he loses his way. They both bring their distinct brand of humor to their respective roles that help balance the explosion of drama and violence on the screen. Maggie Gyllenhall delivers a strong performance that is occluded by the others but brings a range of emotion that I have trouble seeing her former, Katie Holmes, achieving.

In Dark Knight Bale becomes the brooding Bruce Wayne and tortured action hero that his predecessors couldn’t. His range of emotion vacillates between the love lorn and sincere, to cocky, to a visceral rage that jumps off the screen and brings depth to our hero. In Begin, the genesis of the Dark Knight is realized through the violent murder of his father and mother. Then he goes on a soul searching expedition and exhile to channel his anger and guilt. This time he has confronted the anger that drove him to come within moments of killing his parent’s murderer to the righteous caped crusader. This is a distinction that truly separates the hero from the vigilante, the right and the wayward. The evolution of character of the Batman is juxtaposed with the other characters in the world of Gotham to create the morality tale that Nolan so expertly pulls off at the end. “You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become a villain.”

Then there was Heath Ledger’s Joker. He was the definitive joker. I was floored, and I know that a lot of people want to throw genius and iconic around since his unfortunate death but it all fits in the blank. It’s as if he never watched Jack Nicholson’s rendition. This was an original, and legendary take on the canon’s most infamous villain. When Nolan cast Ledger to take on the role, some people questioned it. Nicholson denounced it. I wasn’t sold, but curious. I sat through the movie glued to the front of my seat in awe of his talent. His nuanced take and realistic characterizations of a truly maniacal character were masterful, and believable. The Joker has a line in Dark Knight that stuck with me, and although I tried not to over sentimentalize his performance, I was overcome with admiration. “In their last moments people show you who they really are,” the Joker said, when describing his preference for knives as opposed to guns. Ledger gave the performance of his life, and one that most who lived a longer one couldn’t touch. Nicholson was great as the Joker in the 80’s Batman, but Ledger was legendary. It’s as brilliant and layered as Anthony Hopkin’s Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. Just as sadistic as last years Oscar winning performance by Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh. And every bit as deserving of the Oscar.

Finally, the artist responsible for this beautifully complex thriller, which happens to be a part of one of the most prolific franchises of all time. He confronts such epic themes as love and loss, revenge, faith, justice, trust, and evil. In The Prestige Nolan posed science versus religion. With Memento he challenged the very nature of truth and judgment. He took a bold idea of what he thought we wanted from this genre, popcorn action or believability and cutting narrative that doesn’t sacrifice an ounce of action.

“His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred,” Ernest Hemingway once said about F. Scott Fitzgerald. After watching the hauntingly fantastic Dark Knight this quote kept running through my mind. Nolan has truly directed a masterpiece that transcends the hyperbolic boundaries that confine the hero genre. A continuation of the trilogy leaves me feeling ambivalent after watching this one. “You Complete Me,” the Joker sarcastically chides Batman. His iconic performance should be left as the definitive end to the character. Even though the Joker is Batman’s arch nemesis, the next one can stand alone on Nolan’s and his cast’s immense talent. Ledger was destined for this role, and sadly it will be his final “full” performance. He had so much to offer the world with his charisma, his ardent diligence to the craft, and his try anything mentality. I hope that Nolan will continue with his best work’s source material, but consider the legacy that he is a part of. Ledger’s light shined so bright that it truly stands the test of time, and deservedly has a shot at the best supporting actor legitimately. Even an announcement of the end of the trilogy would be better news to me then to hear that the Joker has been recast. Here’s to you Heath, I hope you Rest In Peace. . . Well done.

"Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it." Grge Car

2008-07-19T00:33:00.000-04:00

This year feels a little different than last year. I don’t think it’s my age, but it could be. Some things haven’t changed, and others have. It’s a peculiar sensation nonetheless. Kind of like when I climbed the rope in gym class. No not really, but still uneasy.
I’m not so excited about this football season. In the past I couldn’t wait. I would read the news every day. Many a moment you could catch me stealing a glimpse at my cell phone to check out the NFL updates. This feeling is not dissimilar to the feeling a male has toward romance after a few years of marriage. (joke) But I am really not too hopeful about the NFL season. An array of reasons comes to mind. The free agent musical chairs, the disillusion of “Spy-gate”, the year after year disappointment in Charlotte, and the general malaise that comes over after watching run after run and interception after interception.
When you couple all of that with the unimportance this season seems to carry for me with ubiquitous political coverage, and economic anxiety that seems to affect everything. Is it just me, or a bunch of adults playing a game making an exorbitant amount of money frustrating to those of us trying to make ends meet hard to swallow?
I guess I’m just growing old and the little kid inside of me is dying a quick and sudden death. Hopefully this season will do for me, like the seasons they depict in film have done for others. Like the Marshall Herd team overcoming a season where the entire football team was killed in a plane crash. (A much more serious situation, but powerful) Maybe a better example would be the exploits of James J Braddock “The Cinderella Man” who provided an escapist fantasy of epic proportions of the classic underdog knocking the establishment right in the nose. Well, this is pretty lame because my troubles are so much more trivial than mortality and the depression. I guess I’m just more and more frustrated by the commercialism, prima donnas, and contract disputes that have become the narrative all off season. I’ll probably get over it. . .
Here’ my predictions:
· Jake Delhomme will be a (not the) league leader in interceptions
· The Panthers will have a string of injuries
· Fans like me will cry for the back up to play, and he will probably suck (i.e. Carr, and Weinke)

So if my prophecy comes true, I will have regained that School Girl excitement when the Panthers hopefully sign my favorite coach of all time. Bill “The Chin” Cowher!

"The time comes upon every public man when it is best for him to keep his lips closed.” Abraham Lincoln

2008-07-16T18:48:00.000-04:00

It’s taken time for me to overcome my laziness, and self pity. Far too long, some would say. Then others wouldn’t care much, if any. . . I guess the question is, if a blog is written in cyberspace and no one reads it—does it exist? I would argue yes. Because the purpose of a blog can vary from author to author. Just like one man’s trash is another’s treasure.
I wanted to reintroduce myself a little. I have come to terms with many things introspectively. I’m a drastically different person than I was a decade ago. I recently turned thirty-years-old. Many greater men have posed this question, or the conclusion that was drawn from the question, before me. I think all birthdays can make street corner philosophers out of all of us. Especially the significant anniversaries.
What I’ve figured out is that the Ryan of yesterday was a man that defined himself through strong friendships, hopes and dreams, and the promise of more effort tomorrow. I lived in the moment, some could question my definition of living, but it sure felt like it. My accomplishments were executed in bursts of motivation, but with little earnestness. In retrospect I haven’t accomplished much as a man, and my list of regrets needs a table of contents.
My greatest successes are my wife and daughter. That’s a personal success that I am very thankful for, but somehow I feel a void that they can’t feel. It can be torture sometimes. This is not an indication of their vast importance, and fulfillment that they provide me. But an indictment on choices that I’ve made, and continue to make. Some of my past friends have succeeded with career, in life, in art, and faith. I sometimes wonder how they feel? I miss the relationships that once made me feel like I was connected to the very fabric of my existence. I can feel sullen at times, and struggle with my pedestrianism and personal lack of distinction.
This isn’t something that anyone can necessarily help me with, nor do I need to be pacified. I guess that it is something that I need to come to terms with. I’m hoping that I will find my muse underneath the bills, junk mail, and paraphernalia of a life incomplete. In the meantime I will cling to the very things that make me happy. My daughter and wife. My bible and guns. The few friends that remain close to me. And the distractions that I’m so passionate about. . .

(I think all men in their thirties are entitled to a pity party)